I think "No I won't go home with you" is a little blunt lol.... and "hello my old friend" is too casual. Perhaps sweet friend? I won't pretend for you?

Just first impressions ? 

Thanks Tony. I was trying to suggest familiarity with "old friend." The singer knows him/her (could be either since it's really just the personification of a feeling) only too well. Kind of like Simon and Garfunkel's "Hello Darkness, my old friend." That said, "sweet friend" might be an improvement. It's more distinctive.

Not sure what you mean by too blunt with the line, "No, I won't go home with you." The song is already an allegory and I don't want to tax the listener's brain too much by adding obscurity LOL.

Yeah', I'm not so good with allegory... no filter and all. The dusty basement stairs thing really does make wonder lol...

I put some music to this one. Not sure if it's a bit too weird.

I can't make out the whispers, try them slower and out of time... I'm sure they're important!

I don't know what you mean by weird, this is definitely very YOU ? 

What I meant by weird was the whispers LOL. I'll see if I can make them clearer. It might depend on how you're listening. Through headphones, the whispers sound fairly clear for the most part. The first one in the second chorus at 2:02 isn't very clear though.

OK, I have eliminated careless whispers and replaced them with more careful ones. They should be easier to hear now.

Well, you're right, they're clear as a bell with headphones... they are whispers after all lol. I, of course, prefer the stereo effect on the last one. Whispering to yourself is probably what feels weird 🙂

I tweaked them a bit more by panning left only. Previously they were panned right and left. Sounds much better to me, which only leaves the question whether the song would be better without them at all.

Well, you can read a lot into this... "Down a dark and dusty stair" is a vivid image, you could get Jenny to whisper something more sinister...

@japov I've never thought of Jenny as a sinister sort of gal, but I'm sure she could turn her hand to anything. Seductive might be the vibe to aim for. Not that I'm not seductive, of course.... 

Enjoyed Da Listen my friend.

Philosophical Songs tend not to appeal to me, lacking Characters. This one seems to succeed with an obvious Singer-Character, not just a Narrator-Character, philosophizing to us all, relating instead a personal encounter. And he speaks directly to this 'Other-Character' with a "harder glint in your eye" and a "shadow of your furrowed brow", harbinger of some 'ill' intent. 
As always, examine your 'and/but' content to see if a Line can work better, or as well, without them. Do a 'but' scan.
The "pull through" Line enables the reader/listener to surmise who the Other-Character might be.
I like the "freeze of your embrace" Line, and the "surprised me with your kiss" Line. The next three Lines clarify further who the 'inviter' is and to where. A 'brush' with him tends to make a mortal "take a long look around", and declining the 'invitation', to "make it out of there.
Structurally sound, you Repeat the Chorus, giving the reader/listener another chance to surmise the mysteries of the storyline.
A Bridge, a final Chorus, and out. 
Your Melody becomes a bit predictable. Dropping the voice so low in pitch at the end of Lines may rob that strategic Rhyme-Word of its Hook-Factor. The Melodic Resolve is less important, to me, than communication of the word meaning. I suggest lifting the pitch rather than taking it down for that reason. Your Chorus is quite similar, Melodically, to your Verse.
I often replay a Song I've written, exploring how it might work at a different tempo, which might take it into a different genre, but, if it works, it works. I just wondered what this would do in a more urgent 'rock' or 'punk' or 'metal' execution. Or even a slow blues. The Lyric might lend itself to conveyance within one or more of those genres.
I quite enjoy the violin. And the whispers are a clever touch. I think I'll get the headphones on and listen again to receive those in the manner in which they are sent. It seems they should be indicated in the written Lyric, parenthetically, to show they are there.

@gary-e-andrews Thanks for your detailed critique. I'm with you when it comes to songwriters straight-out philosophizing at me without the aid of characters and visuals. I'm not sure I'd call this one philosophical exactly. As JAPOV pointed out, there's more than one interpretation, although I think they are closely related. I wrote it about depression and a refusal to give into it, but once it's out there, it belongs to the listener.

I take your point about the predictability of the melody. This is one where the lyric came first. Usually words and music tend to come together to me. Having said that, I do like the melody of the chorus, including the down notes at the end of the lines :). I certainly could go up at the end of the last line, but to me it didn't seem in keeping with the theme. Some of Adele's greatest songs do the same thing, such as Love in the Dark and especially Make You Feel My Love. They are also very predictable, especially in the verses but, of course, they have Adele singing them 🙂 I'd love to hear her singing this one with a simple piano accompaniment instead of BIAB - anyone have her phone number LOL?