I tend to agree, I usually do a first demo and listen to it for a few days, then go back and make changes, as I will with this song. originally it was a slower song. Thanks for the input, that's why I am here.

https://www.reverbnation.com/johncarlmorris/song/32524714-silent-war-acoustic

Enjoyed Da Listen.Love it.

I much prefer this version. The emotion comes through more strongly. Really good vocal performance.

I don't think you've found the right rhythm yet 🙂

Just some thoughts here...

As I wake each day-------------Every sunrise
Comfort is all I seek------------I find peace in your eyes
As I feel you next to me-------And the warmth of you next to me
Will you hold me close---------Part of me is lost
Your love holds the key--------But when you hold me close
As I try to find my peace-------I'm right where I need to be

V2
Walk along with me------------Just take my hand
Hold my hand--------------------I know you understand
Help me to make a stand-----The battle still rages in my mind
I will reconcile-------------------It may take a while
Right the wrongs in my life---But I will reconcile
Just listen will you please......And leave that nightmare behind

Chorus
As I fight my silent war-----------Just walk along with me
see the pain that I hide inside--Help me keep it all inside
Peace is all I need------------------Your strength is all I need
Please grant me some relief-----So I can hide
As I fight my silent war-----------As I fight my silent war

V3
I cant undo the things I've seen---You know where I've been
You question the tears that I cry--I was different then
As I try to share with you my life--Fighting for another life
Tears dont hide weakness inside--Now tears tell the truth
They only cleanse the pain----------Of a wasted youth
I just ask you to hold me tight-----And regrets that haunt the night

Bridge
There was a time I could ignore the pain
But memories are clear as yesterday
Remind me, if you see me drift away
Where I am today

Japov

That's EXACTLY right. Captures the mood, explains the premise, has the visuals, and tells a complete story so that people that don't understand or have not gone through this, can see exactly what it's talking about. That's the way it's done. Good job on this one.

MAB

I just hope Vet393 doesn't feel like I took too many liberties with his lyric lol. I tried hard here to illustrate how I just took what he said, and said it differently. As you and Gary are always saying, "They can always be re-written" 🙂

Actually , I understand the rhythm you are trying to get across, I am here to learn better ways. I do like this.

But, In the sense of writing, maybe I should look at what you've done and try to reword some as to not use your words.

Or, consider it a co-writing situation and move on with a better understanding.

Thanks!!

That's always the issue out here in "cyberspace" isn't it? Opinions are free, but who's ultimately going to take the blame lol? Seeing as "were both vets" I wouldn't mind a co-write at all, but it's your song brother 🙂

Semper Fi 

@japov

I posted this in the new members forum.....

My user name Vet393..

Although I am a Navy Veteran, 75-81 HS9 squadron, the user name comes from something else...

I raced off-road motorcycle's for many years. My last Classes I raced in was the age classes, The Veterans class....+40/50/60 etc.

I was member of a forum and we had a young rider that was killed riding one day. He was respected in the community for his knowledge and skills as a young rider. So...

There was memorial race held each year on the anniversary of his death. If you raced in one of these you could use his Plate number on you user name...thus Vet393. Before that I was Vet912, as was my district assigned number.

I just wanted the history of the Vet user name is all. Peace!!

Let me guess... You own a hawg, but the rice burner still comes out when it rains 🙂

@japov

I actually prefer Honda for racing, which I road 2 and 4 stroke versions, I also raced Vintage Husky WR250 and Macio 450. 

I bought Harley because I did much charity work for the Owner of the Dealership, Including Toys for Tots and such. I got great deals on all 3 of the Harleys, I now have a FLHTK that I am selling to move over seas to live.

Start of Silent War Alt Version

V1
Holding you close
In the morning light
Is where I find my peace
A kiss from you
Rests my soul
My troubles drift away

V2
Take my hand
you understand
My battles from inside
It may take some time
But I will reconcile
Chase those sorrows away

I think it sound good, listen...

https://soundcloud.com/john-carl-morris/silent-war-b?in=john-carl-morris/sets/acoustic-2021

Brush my sorrows aside.