Hello. Something you might consider is WHAT is the "SILENT WAR?" Is it an actual war? Drugs? Alcohol? Personality issues? A feeling of loss? Loss of a loved one? Etc.There are ways to talk about things without exactly saying it, but that might help in finding the "thing" you are looking for. You continue to use the hook, (Silent War) over and over, which in some ways, diffuses the meaning of it, tending to be a bit overused. You might look at keeping that in a form of a chorus, which might describe how you feel, where the verses might be the day to day war you're fighting and how you are trying to get along with it. By eliminating that phrase a bit, might free up some line space to put in more tangible details about what the war is. 

In my work of teaching songwriting, I have encountered many veterans, police officers, EMT, Doctors, nurses, etc. people who have indeed seen some traumatic things, and one of the reasons they turned to songwriting was to explain what they were going through to loved ones, children, etc, as well as verbalize what is a very tramatic situation. All songwriting is theraputic, so instead  of just trying to implore someone to walk along beside you in your "silent War" and to try and understand, it might be helpful to describe some of the things you are dealing with which might explain what the silent war is.

I once had a clients who was a former Iraq veteran who had the experience of being in Iraq and his wife at the time, actually declared that he had been killed so that she could get into a militar widow dating site. We used a line "She tried to kill me off in cyberspace" which basically was what happened, but we didn't have to go into many details how she did it. Was quite a surprised when he showed up back home totally alive and kicking. 

We are in a generational change in that the World War II generation internalized their own events in war and didn't want to talk about it. When it got to the Vietnam era, and later in the wars since, it was a theraputic thing to talk about their experiences and what has happened. So an approach might be to explain what the silent war is, some form of details, that could give an insight into what you are experiencing in order to help them help the character singing. And if it's not a physical war, there are ways to describe the physicality without doing graphic detail. All is an outreach to try and explain what you are going through to listeners who might not know you yet. 

Good luck,
MAB

It is mostly regarding Vets and dealing with things that happened. Silent War is what is going on inside the mind, something you cant talk about , the battles within. I guess it could reference the addiction battle in ones mind. I was thinking to use the hook throughout the song, but I can leave it for the Chorus only.

Sometimes its easier to talk to someone that has been though similar things.....

Thanks

I understand. Sometimes they are the only ones you can talk to. But in songwriting, it does help sometimes to act as if you are talking directly to someone who doesn't understand and use the opportunity to describe what is on your mind. It might help others to understand and be able to react to your situation. There are examples of songs that repeat their refrain throughout, although in today;s world, it sometimes can be a bit much. It also can help you find other opportunities for lyrics. At any rate, you approach it how you feel best driven to do. I wish you luck in your writing and your challenges in life. Hope you get a good one out of it.

MAB

MAB makes some good points about the repetition of the hook. Generally it's a good thing of course, but you might want to keep it to once a stanza. I think you could add an extra layer of interest by including a little more about the person he's talking to and the things she is is dong to try to help. I'm not sure if that is what is going on in the song. A line like "You question the tears that I cry" suggests that maybe she is not being very supportive, which is why he is making the plea that he does. I wonder if the song might not be more affecting if it told of someone who is showing love and trying to help, but doesn't know if she is succeeding, with a message of "it's hard, but keep doing what you're doing." Something like this...

Walk along with me
Take my hand again
Smile that way you do
I'll smile back through the pain
Stay here by my side
As I fight my silent war

Silent War

As I wake each day
Comfort is all I seek
As I feel you next to me
Will you hold me close
Your love holds the key
As I try to find my peace

Walk along with me
Hold my hand
Help me through the day
I will reconcile
Right the wrongs in my life
Just listen will you please

Look into my eyes
See the pain that I hide inside
Peace is all I need
Please grant me some relief
As I fight my silent war

I cant undo the things I've seen
You question the tears that I cry
As I try to share with you my life
Tears don't hide weakness inside
They only cleanse the pain
I just ask you to hold me tight

Look into my eyes
see the pain that I hide inside
Peace is all I need
Please grant me some relief
As I fight my silent war

C:J Carl Morris 2021

Wow! That is a TON better. Is much clearer, paints your picture much better, focuses on the hook more by saying it less. Doesn't weaken the impact on it. 
Very good changes. Hope you like it as it is a much cleaner, more effective approach. Great job.

I hope you are making some progress on your own journey. I was talking to a woman last night who is a psycho therapist, who deals with this type of situation a lot, Veteran counciling. Here in Nashville, we have a lot of homeless veterans and there is a large homeless center downtown that has rooms, clothes, showers, meals, counciling, etc. A few years ago, they were searching for musical instrument donations for their vets who like to work their problems out through music. I donated a left handed guitar for the effort.
There is also a group of hit songwriters, who get with the vets and help them write their songs. It is a very worthwhile experience. I've done a bit myself in private sessions over the years, so I know it is a very challenging but rewarding experience.

I hope you are doing well and will continue to explore your own efforts through music. Good luck to you and I wish you well.

MAB

Carl,

If you don't mind a couple little notes. I don't know what your tempo, feel or rhyming pattern is, but you might think of tightening up a little bit on the rhyme scheme. Something like this:

As I wake each day, comfort is all I seek,
Will you hold me close, as I feel you next to me
youre love holds the key, As I try to find my peace

Walk along with me, and hold my hand
Help me through the day, And help me Stand (Having an "AN" rhyme there might pull it together tighter)
Right the wrongs in life, I will reconcile....

CHORUS:

AS I FIGHT THIS SILENT WAR
LOOK INTO MY EYES
SEE THE PAIN THAT I HOLD INSIDE
PEACE IS ALL I NEED, GRANT ME SOME RELIEF
HELP ME SEE WHAT I'M FIGHTING FOR
AS I FIGHT THIS SILENT WAR

This is called a "bracket, or bookend" chorus. It starts with the first line being the hook and ends with the last line reinforcing the hook. If you spread out your rhymes a little, I believe it will sing a little better. I put in an extra line for the rhyme of "Silent War." If you did this, you would need to re-write the last verse to have the same pattern as the first two to make it consistent. 
Of course, that is all just how I would hear something in my mind. You might have a different melody and pattern so it might not work. That's just how I would approach it based upon what you have.

Good luck.
MAB

I made some other changes, bridge maybe?

V1
As I wake each day
Comfort is all I seek
As I feel you next to me
Will you hold me close
Your love holds the key
As I try to find my peace

V2
Walk along with me
Hold my hand
Help me to make a stand
I will reconcile
Right the wrongs in my life
Just listen will you please

Chorus
As I fight my silent war
see the pain that I hide inside
Peace is all I need
Please grant me some relief
As I fight my silent war

Solo

V3
I cant undo the things I've seen
You question the tears that I cry
As I try to share with you my life
Tears dont hide weakness inside
They only cleanse the pain
I just ask you to hold me tight

Bridge
There was a time I could live with the pain
But the memories play clear as they were yesterday
Just hold on to me, if you see me drift away
You are the one that can make me whole again

Chorus

Yes, that seems to wrap it up nicely. A thing to do in songwriting is to try and build "EMPATHY" with a character. People like to feel there is some form of "redemption" or "light at the end of the tunnel" in songs. With this you leave the listener with some hope, which is a cool thing to do. Thanks for doing that.

In writing, we often hear the terms "uptempo and positive" in commercial writing. Don't worry, that simply means 'writing for an audience". That is not eactly true, it is more "mid tempo and NOT SO NEGATIVE." So in a song like you have here, with a somber message, it does leave both the character and the audience feeling that it could get better. And at the same time, you state your position, let the audience know what the character is going through and does not paint a positive glowing picture. At the same time, it's not a wrist slitter either. 

Nice combination. Good job Carl. Hope the experience helps you with your own journey. Now get some music on it and you'll have a nice piece. Thanks for letting us see your process and development.
MAB

@vet393

Yes much better.

I will make a recording and post, Thx

Pub to hear it.

https://www.reverbnation.com/johncarlmorris/song/32518121-silent-war

@vet393

I was surprised by this. I hadn't expected a driving beat. I think it works better in the chorus than in the verse, where that insistent rhythm becomes a bit monotonous after a while. You might want to see if you can find a way to freshen it up a bit. It feels like it needs a chord change somewhere in there, to my ears at least. 🙂