An Old Fashioned Gi...
 
Notifications
Clear all

An Old Fashioned Girl / Any suggestions for a bridge?


ckiphen
(@ckiphen)
Noble Member
Joined: 7 years ago
Posts: 1478
Topic starter  

An Old Fashioned Girl

Verse

I love black and white movies.

The old cinema stars.

Bogart and Bergman’s

Scene at Rick’s bar.

Pre chorus

Call me old fashioned.

I could care less.

I still like to see

Girls wear a dress.

Chorus

I’m a bit out of place

In this modern world.

I wish I could find me

An old fashioned girl.

Verse

I like walks by the ocean

I dig marshmello pies.

Cold beer and burgers

Grilling outside.

Pre chorus

Call me old fashioned.

I could care less.

I still like to see

Girls wear a dress.

Chorus

I’m a bit out of place

In this modern world.

I wish I could find me

An old fashioned girl.

Verse

I like songs by Sinatra.

My Funny Valentine.

A song that has soul.

Lyrics that rhyme.

Bridge

 

 

 

 

carroll kiphen


Quote
Deacon
(@deacon)
Honorable Member
Joined: 7 years ago
Posts: 284
 

Hello Carroll,

Just off the top of my head;

Old Fashioned picture shows,

drive ins late at night.

Sitting on the front porch,

old fashioned's what I like.

Good luck and best wishes,

Speak soon

Music is an international language, say it with a song. deaconmusic4u@gmail.com


ReplyQuote
Mabbo
(@mabbo)
Honorable Member
Joined: 7 years ago
Posts: 325
 

Hey Carrol,

MUCH COOLER! Great visuals and good narrative. Solid images. 
If I might suggest, I'd say you already have the bridge. The last verse:

"I like songs By Sinatra     (Except I might say "Give me a Song by Sinatra)
Funny Valentine

A song that has soul

Lyrics that rhyme"

 

That to me, would seem to sum it up and put the cherry on the sundae. Sometimes songs that use a third verse, might be better served by making the third verse a bridge, change it musically, and would be much tighter. Looks like you've done it there. Good job.

Marc-Alan Barnette


ReplyQuote
ckiphen
(@ckiphen)
Noble Member
Joined: 7 years ago
Posts: 1478
Topic starter  

Thanks! Appreciate it!

 

An Old Fashioned Girl

Verse

I love black and white movies.

The old cinema stars.

Bogart and Bergman’s

Scene at Rick’s bar.

Pre chorus

Call me old fashioned.

I could care less.

I still like to see

Girls wear a dress.

Chorus

I’m a bit out of place

In this modern world.

I wish I could find me

An old fashioned girl.

Verse

I like walks by the ocean

I dig marshmello pies.

Cold beer and burgers

Grilling outside.

Pre chorus

Call me old fashioned.

I could care less.

I still like to see

Girls wear a dress.

Chorus

I’m a bit out of place

In this modern world.

I wish I could find me

An old fashioned girl.

Bridge

Give me a song by Sinatra.

Funny Valentine.

A song that has soul.

Lyrics that rhyme.

carroll kiphen


ReplyQuote
Gavin
(@gavin)
Noble Member
Joined: 7 years ago
Posts: 1007
 

I like this. It's simple and charming and flows really well. Peering through my insufferable pedant's magnifying glass, I spot the following things that I might change....

"I could care less" is one of those wonderful American phrases that makes no sense, but everyone knows what it means. However, outside of America, it jars, and you might be better to use "I couldn't care less." Or does that now sound weird to American ears? I mentioned it because you used "cinema stars," not "movie stars," earlier.

Do you think "I still like to see a girl in a dress" might be better than "...girls wear a dress?" Not just because that really should be "...girls wear dresses" but because the image of him looking at a pretty girl in a dress is more vivid and immediate.

I think you mean marshmallow, not marshmello, unless the singer is a fan of this guy, which he may be, of course ? 

 

I may or may not be an enigma
http://mysteriousbeings.com


ReplyQuote
Share: