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Topic starter
17/03/2019 4:45 pm
Hi everybody, I am making a new song, something I'm very happy about because I've been on the verge of falling into dry dock, but today I finally got an idea... Given my limited knowledge of English, I would appreciate it if you could tell me the linguistic errors that my lyrics can to have. Thank you very much. Mora
Here it goes.
"Doubts
Doubts
doubts
a so small word
to describe
what is immense
Doubts
doubts
having no face
I feel your glance
having no mouth
I feel your breath
you are a poison
clutched to my senses
you are obsession
riding my thoughts
my hands
my steps
Making me be blind
between spies
making me be nude
among cold knifes
with your sharp whispers
with your sharp whispers
You are a poison
clutched to my senses
you are obsession
riding my thoughts
my hands
my steps"
The bad part of the doubt is that it has no face
17/03/2019 5:20 pm
Not much at all to correct, Mora. Corrections are in red. Suggestions are in blue.
Doubts
doubts
such a small word
to describe
what is immense
Doubts
doubts
having no face
I feel your glance
having no mouth
I feel your breath
you are a poison
clutched to my senses
you are obsession
riding my thoughts
my hands
my steps
Making me be blind (Blinding me)
between spies (among spies, unless there are only two spies, in which case "between" is correct)
making me be nude (Stripping me naked)
among cold knives
with your sharp whispers
with your sharp whispers
You are a poison
clutched to my senses
you are obsession
riding my thoughts
my hands
my steps"
I may or may not be an enigma
http://mysteriousbeings.com
moraamarolaloba liked
Topic starter
17/03/2019 5:52 pm
Thank you Gavin! I will correct the lyrics with some of your suggestions.
Mora
The bad part of the doubt is that it has no face
20/03/2019 2:28 am
Mora, please forgive this old guy for messing with your lyrics.
This post was modified 7 years ago 2 times by OD-OldDog
Topic starter
20/03/2019 3:29 pm
Hi OD, thank you very much for your time and ideas, you have made wonderful lyrics but I have not done the story thinking about the lack of love but about life, I wanted to refer to those doubts about oneself at times when you do not see an exit to any dramatic situation...Now I am aware that I have not clarified the reason.
Thank you again!
The bad part of the doubt is that it has no face
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