Nervous Breakdown
 

Nervous Breakdown  

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John Evans
(@jle3)
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12/06/2019 9:15 pm  

Dude....I wish the song I just finished mixing had no chorus! YEESH!!! This thing had John growls, high pitched Jen voice, echos, lead guitar, slamming riffs, my mind can't take any more choruses!

But seriously I don't see it as a problem to not have them in your song. I also think those sax breaks are definitely needed and yes I do think that the sax is the right instrument. Guitar would work too, but I really like the sax you have there.

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JAPOV
(@japov)
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12/06/2019 10:37 pm  

No chorus.................................... rock song.    
Unusual....................................... rock song.
"inside the head," intense........... rock song.
dirty guitar sound....................... rock song.
singer's anxiety........................... ROCK SONG!

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Jenny Stokes
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13/06/2019 12:24 am  

You REALLY want to cover Gavin's tune don'tcha Tony?

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JAPOV
(@japov)
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13/06/2019 1:05 am  

NO! Lol.... I really want Gavin to get his ROCK ON!!!

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Jenny Stokes
(@jenny-stokes)
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13/06/2019 1:09 am  

Now THAT would be awesome!

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Gavin
(@gavin)
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13/06/2019 8:34 am  

Hmmm… not sure how awesome that would turn out LOL.

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JAPOV
(@japov)
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13/06/2019 12:46 pm  
Posted by: Gavin

Hmmm… not sure how awesome that would turn out LOL.

Perhaps...... But I have absolutely NO doubt it would be inspiration for John-n-I......
And it would still be YOU!

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JAPOV
(@japov)
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14/06/2019 12:16 am  

OK, I've listened again........ I think I'm getting it. The mood of the music in contrast to the mood of the lyrics is the whole point, right? It's ironic?

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Gavin
(@gavin)
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14/06/2019 8:39 am  
Posted by: JAPOV

OK, I've listened again........ I think I'm getting it. The mood of the music in contrast to the mood of the lyrics is the whole point, right? It's ironic?

In a way. The bouncy melody reflects the kind of guy he is. Smiling through gritted teeth, holding it together, unable to express his true feelings. He wouldn't be the kind of chap to give in to speaking slowly in a minor key. That's kind of the point of "I don't, I won't." He knows he doesn't have a way to let it all out.

Also, I didn't want it to sound whiny 🙂

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JAPOV
(@japov)
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15/06/2019 11:06 am  

Hmmmm...... but what if you're emphasizing "I can’t, I wont"? Make that the crescendo....

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JAPOV
(@japov)
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15/06/2019 1:42 pm  

I other words, let the music morph into something a bit angrier once you get to "I can't, I won’t"... let us hear you gritting your teeth!!!

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Gavin
(@gavin)
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22/06/2019 11:19 am  

On the basis of feedback here and elsewhere, I made two small changes to this song. People didn't seem to be getting that the song wasn't about someone actually having a breakdown, but about someone wishing he was the kind of person who could let out the repressed feelings building up inside him. I changed the last line of verses 2 and 3 from "I won't" to "I know I won't" and Of course I won't." Here are the two versions, with the original one first. If anyone has the time to listen and tell me if the revised version works and sounds OK, I'd appreciate it. The song is only 2 and a half minutes long 🙂

Original Version

And the revised version

This post was modified 5 months ago by Gavin

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Jenny Stokes
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23/06/2019 4:52 am  

Hey Gavin. I'm probably not a good one to listen to on this one because I didn't have any trouble seeing your meaning in the original so from that perspective, I'm not the person who needs convincing because I already was. Did it need to be changed? imo, no. BUT, I actually like the revision to the chorus. From rhythmical p.o.v. it just flows better with the change. In terms of their clarity of meaning, either works for me.

Did you turn down your vocal in the revised version? I ask because that part where you say "stand in a crowded room and just roar" seems to have a bigger presence in the original. If you didn't change anything, it's probably just a case of me being tired from having driven to and from Auckland today.

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Gavin
(@gavin)
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23/06/2019 12:09 pm  

Thanks Jen. No, I didn't do anything to the vocal. That Auckland drive must have taken it out of you!

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