J.S.M - Best Out Of...
 
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J.S.M - Best Out Of The Worst


JSM
 JSM
(@jsm)
Active Member
Joined: 5 years ago
Posts: 17
Topic starter  

I wrote and recorded a song that was inspired by some 80's rockmusic. It's about learning to not only see the negative points in everything. I'm curious to read your honest opinions, criticism is fine. I recorded with poor equipment, that's why it may be not perfect.

Lyrics:

There were times I have changed for the better
Can’t you see all the diamonds in my eyes
Yeah, the feeling came out of wherever
But the truth ain’t an endless paradise
Give it all I got – and you know best I got a lot
When the time of the end has come
I can tell that the best is done

Because I am gonna make the 
Best out of the worst - Before I am broken
I, I want it to be done before it hurts
Cause then this is over now
You can’t stop this train before it starts again
To make the best out of the worst
Before I’m lost in the open flow

What will you remember as your last thought
Don’t you let it be empty after all
There are so many stories untold
Don’t be afraid, every hero has to fall
But he will stand up and fly until he’ll reach the top
When you think that the end is near
Follow me there’s no need to fear

If I’ll ever be on the run
And the colours have lost the sun
When the end of the road has begun
I have chosen the best to come

 


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Songwriter Junction
(@songwriter-junction)
Member Admin
Joined: 5 years ago
Posts: 144
 

Welcome to the Junction, JSM. Nice to have you here. You will have noticed that it took a little while for your first post to appear. This is because first posts need moderation. It's an anti-spam thing. We are bombarded by bogus registrations every day and this prevents the forum from being flooded with spam. Future posts should appear straight away, although sometimes the second post also needs moderation - not quite sure why. Looking forward to hearing your songs and having you as part of the community here.

You might want to modify your post to include the links, which seem to have been removed.


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JSM
 JSM
(@jsm)
Active Member
Joined: 5 years ago
Posts: 17
Topic starter  

@songwriter-junction

I can't modify it. The link is removed everytime.


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Songwriter Junction
(@songwriter-junction)
Member Admin
Joined: 5 years ago
Posts: 144
 

Sorry, JSM. It looks like the way that the spam control was set up, you are not able to post a link in your first post. I have modified that, so please try again. If that doesn't work, please post the link in a separate post. Very sorry for the inconvenience. These restrictions should all be gone for future posts.


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Gavin
(@gavin)
Prominent Member
Joined: 5 years ago
Posts: 999
 

Great stuff, JSM! Really captures that 80s rock vibe. The production sounded really good to me. If it was me (which it wouldn't be, because I could never do this), I might bring the vocals forward just a tiny bit in the mix. Maybe those who know more about this kind of music can chime in with comments or advice - looking at you JAPOV and John Evans 🙂

Welcome aboard!

I may or may not be an enigma
http://mysteriousbeings.com


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JAPOV
(@japov)
Noble Member
Joined: 5 years ago
Posts: 1154
 

Man, you sound just like Rik Emmett! Nice groove, Lovin' it! Tell us how you’re recording ? 

https://www.soundclick.com/artist/default.cfm?bandid=1449856


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JSM
 JSM
(@jsm)
Active Member
Joined: 5 years ago
Posts: 17
Topic starter  

Honestly I'm recording with Audacity. In this song I used an electric drumkit for the first time. Before, I used a real drumkit but I only had one mikrophone to record it - that sounded very bad. I also changed the way of recording guitars. Before, I put a mikrophone in front of the amp. This time I connected the amp directly with my laptop. What else can I tell? Backing Vocals were done by my girlfriend and me... I don't have any kind of studio equipment so that's probably all I can tell 😉


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JAPOV
(@japov)
Noble Member
Joined: 5 years ago
Posts: 1154
 

Yea, traded up to an E-kit myself lol... then I found Garage Band!  ? 

Welcome to the Junction! ? 

https://www.soundclick.com/artist/default.cfm?bandid=1449856


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JSM
 JSM
(@jsm)
Active Member
Joined: 5 years ago
Posts: 17
Topic starter  
Posted by: @japov

Yea, traded up to an E-kit myself lol... then I found Garage Band!  ? 

Welcome to the Junction! ? 

Thanks ? 


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Gary E. Andrews
(@gary-e-andrews)
Honorable Member
Joined: 5 years ago
Posts: 340
 

I'm always focused on the Lyric, the Structure.

Lyric: "Best Out Of The Worst"

There were times I have changed for the better
Can’t you see all the diamonds in my eyes
Yeah, the feeling came out of wherever
But the truth ain’t an endless paradise (I always suggest examining 'But' as an unnecessary word. Deleting it unclutters the Line in the singer's mouth.)
Give it all I got – and you know best I got a lot (Sometimes 'and' can be deleted as another clutter word.)
When the time of the end has come
I can tell that the best is done

Because I am gonna make the (Another clutter-word, 'Because'. Writers employ these words to make connections, but listeners get it without them, and sometimes it improves the Prosody of the marriage of Lyric and Melody to delete them.)
Best Out Of The Worst - Before I am broken
I, I want it to be done before it hurts
Cause then this is over now ('Cause?)
You can’t stop this train before it starts again
To make the Best Out Of The Worst
Before I’m lost in the open flow
(A simplification of your Chorus might work better, focusing on THE Hook/title. That strategic Last-Line position, the one left ringing in listeners' ears, can be most effective delivering the title, the main idea of the Storyline, THE Hook.)
(Simplified:
I, am gonna make the 
Best Out Of The Worst - Before I am broken ('broken' may need a Rhyme, jokin', pokin', soakin', token, awoken)
I, I want it to be done before it hurts
Then this is over now 
You can’t stop this train before it starts again
To make the Best Out Of The Worst (Last-Line)

What will you remember as your last thought
Don’t you let it be empty after all
There are so many stories untold
Don’t be afraid, every hero has to fall
But he will stand up and fly until he’ll reach the top (Delete 'But'?)
When you think that the end is near
Follow me there’s no need to fear

If I’ll ever be on the run
And the colours have lost the sun (Sometimes 'And' IS necessary. Even here I suggest considering deleting it, just to see.)
When the end of the road has begun
I have chosen the best to come

(The simplified Repeats of the main Lines of the Chorus in your Coda demonstrate the efficacy of simplification.)

Despite 1,000's of years of Songwriting humans have not exhausted the possibilities. There will always be another Song to be written. Someone will write it. Why not you? www.garyeandrews.com


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JSM
 JSM
(@jsm)
Active Member
Joined: 5 years ago
Posts: 17
Topic starter  

@gary-e-andrews

Thanks for the feedback. Next time I'll try to do it without the clutter words. 

It's not that easy for me to write good sounding english lyrics cause I'm not a native speaker. Can you make out an accent in the song? Can you hear where I'm from? ? ? 


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Gary E. Andrews
(@gary-e-andrews)
Honorable Member
Joined: 5 years ago
Posts: 340
 

No hint of accent. 

Despite 1,000's of years of Songwriting humans have not exhausted the possibilities. There will always be another Song to be written. Someone will write it. Why not you? www.garyeandrews.com


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JSM
 JSM
(@jsm)
Active Member
Joined: 5 years ago
Posts: 17
Topic starter  
Posted by: @gary-e-andrews

No hint of accent. 

Cool! I'm from Germany and I hate German accent in english language ? 


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