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02/01/2020 9:35 am
BETRAYAL - An audio-short-story told in songs and spoken words. Appx 40 minutes.
https://soundcloud.com/sunset-poet-of-texas/sets/betrayal-a-story-in-songs
02/01/2020 1:17 pm
My reply from Just Plain Folks, and Martin's response to my question regarding the players.
This is quite listenable. The narrative story creates the Singer-Character and Love-Interest Character quite vividly. Creating that reality more fully enables a Songwriter to conceive realistic conversational story-telling from realistic conceptions of the thoughts that might occur to the Characters.
The Songs then illustrate cogent thoughts, main ideas of the conflict, delivered in coherent conversational story-telling.
The musical treatments are clean and simply sophisticated, whoever the players/singers are.
The Songs are varied in Structure, strong on THE Hook/title/main idea.
The less-than happy ending is acceptable, given the situation. The whole idea is the relationship they had was betrayed, discovered not to have the value they thought it did, from their opposite perspectives, and post-betrayal realizations, and betrayal of such strategic nature can never be restored; only forgiven.
I think there was mention of "...a baby girl..." in "Gone By Dawn", but never again in the telling of the tale. That complication of a third life affected by betrayal would need to be addressed. I have a Song with kids in it, where the main characters are settling last matters of a relationship, and expressed regret that they were 'in there'. My friend, Songwriter Laura Wood simply said, "Take them out." I did and the Song worked as story without that emotional reality needing to be in it.
I'm listening again and enjoying it again. Well done Martin.
Gary E. Andrews
The Songs then illustrate cogent thoughts, main ideas of the conflict, delivered in coherent conversational story-telling.
The musical treatments are clean and simply sophisticated, whoever the players/singers are.
The Songs are varied in Structure, strong on THE Hook/title/main idea.
The less-than happy ending is acceptable, given the situation. The whole idea is the relationship they had was betrayed, discovered not to have the value they thought it did, from their opposite perspectives, and post-betrayal realizations, and betrayal of such strategic nature can never be restored; only forgiven.
I think there was mention of "...a baby girl..." in "Gone By Dawn", but never again in the telling of the tale. That complication of a third life affected by betrayal would need to be addressed. I have a Song with kids in it, where the main characters are settling last matters of a relationship, and expressed regret that they were 'in there'. My friend, Songwriter Laura Wood simply said, "Take them out." I did and the Song worked as story without that emotional reality needing to be in it.
I'm listening again and enjoying it again. Well done Martin.
Gary E. Andrews
Martin's reply:
Gary...Wow....you nailed the song. You even addressed the one loose end (baby girl) that I kept going back and forth on whether or not to keep in. I kept it in because I thought that it made Gone By Dawn more impactual as a stand alone song. Now that it is finished, I agree with you and think that I should have taken it out. The song is a hobby and finished and I probably wont redo it again, but I truly appreciate your comments and level of understanding.
All of your comments reflect exactly what I had in mind when I wrote the story. Thank you for taking the time to express your thoughts. It was gratifying to read what you wrote.
Sincere regards and Happy New Year.
Ps
The musicians were;
me on lead vocals, rhythm guitar and lead guitar in ONE NIGHT STOLE FOREVER.
NashvilleTrax.com supplied a piano solo track to TIME
NashvilleTrax.com supplied a lead fills track done by Brent Mason to GONE BY DAWN.
Michael Zaneski was absolutely and remarkably....everything else. , instrumentation, backing vocals, mixing, production, etc
Despite 1,000's of years of Songwriting humans have not exhausted the possibilities. There will always be another Song to be written. Someone will write it. Why not you? www.garyeandrews.com
02/01/2020 1:27 pm
When two people end their commitment there is tragedy enough. The children add a level difficult to resolve.
In the movie "Airport" the wife of the airport manager asks for a divorce because he's always at work, never at home.
"I don't want our children to come from a broken home," he objects.
"Better they should come from one than live in one," his wife replies.
The "Betrayal" presents that dimension without explanation. Does the Singer-Character take the child with him, a court-resolved declaration that the mother is unfit? Does he abandon the child as well as the wife? This is why I questioned it. You've engaged the audience with the details and the attentive listener will wonder. Many may not.
As you say, it's a done deal, an accomplished work, and I wouldn't recommend any heavy lifting to 'fix' this. You've achieved quite a feat in putting it all together, especially with musical arrangement. Although...the temptation to tinker must remain.
Despite 1,000's of years of Songwriting humans have not exhausted the possibilities. There will always be another Song to be written. Someone will write it. Why not you? www.garyeandrews.com
04/01/2020 2:59 pm
Martin, as you know, I'm a huge fan of this song sequence. I followed its development as you posted the songs on YouTube and enjoyed listening the whole way through when it was finished. I think each song really stands up well within itself, as well as as part of the sequence. Some of them are really moving.
And yes, I did notice the loose end. I think people who listen closely to the whole thing will. Maybe it's your equivalent of that one imperfection the Navajo would leave in their rugs to avoid offending the spirits 🙂
I may or may not be an enigma
http://mysteriousbeings.com
Topic starter
04/01/2020 6:47 pm
Martin, as you know, I'm a huge fan of this song sequence. I followed its development as you posted the songs on YouTube and enjoyed listening the whole way through when it was finished. I think each song really stands up well within itself, as well as as part of the sequence. Some of them are really moving.
And yes, I did notice the loose end. I think people who listen closely to the whole thing will. Maybe it's your equivalent of that one imperfection the Navajo would leave in their rugs to avoid offending the spirits 🙂
Â
Thanks Gavin.
I really like that Navajo thing. Turns out, I've spent my life not offending the spirits in more ways than I can count.
Similar story,
One of the architect Le Corbusier's most famous works is the chapel at Ronchamp. Legend has it, that during the construction someone screwed up a window. They say that the contractor showed it to Corbusier and was scared that he would throw a primadonna's fit about it. The legend is that he said...(paraphrased)..."leave it. The mistake adds a touch of humanity to the chapel."  😉
This post was modified 5 years ago by Sunset Poet - Martin
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