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17/07/2019 12:10 pm
Her Smile
Verse
The place the time forgotten
But I still see her smile.
Seen bridges burned and falling.
We’ve traveled many miles.
Chorus
Slowly we drifted
Like two ships at sea.
Taken by the tides
Her smile stayed with me.
Verse
She was like the sun rising.
Surprises every day.
Radiant and beautiful.
Now she’s a world away.
Chorus
Slowly we drifted
Like two ships at sea.
Taken by the tides
Her smile stayed with me.
Verse
Whenever I feel lonely.
Her smile comes to mind.
She may be faraway
But her smiles still mine.
Chorus
Slowly we drifted
Like two ships at sea.
Taken by the tides.
Her smile stayed with me.
Verse
The place the time forgotten
but one thing I still see.
Each morning when the sun smiles.
Her light shines down on me.
Tag
Taken by the tides of time
Her smile has stayed with me.
Bridge
It wasn't quite perfect
neither was she.
she was a work of art
painted for me.
carroll kiphen
Guy E. Trepanier liked
17/07/2019 10:03 pm
Nice one, Carroll. How about you tell us something about her smile to bring her alive, maybe with an endearing imperfection - just a little crooked - or something endearing, like how she crinkled her nose when she smiled? Make her real.
Also, I would change "But I still see her smile." to "But still I see her smile." It sings better with the stress on "still." It also feels more poetic to me. You could do the same with "but one thing I still see." (but one thing still I see).
I may or may not be an enigma
http://mysteriousbeings.com
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