Notifications
Clear all

Country Girl


Vet393
(@vet393)
Sparkly Member
Joined: 5 years ago
Posts: 59
Topic starter  

Hers one I wrote for my Mother when she past away

I never really finished this and I know it needs help.....

Little Country Girl (Song for Mom)                                                       

 

 V1

She’s still the little girl inside

That played on the sandy road

That led to her grandpas farm 

 Dreaming of the city lights

She ran for her life

Never knowing what was to come

Chorus

Spread your wings

And fly away tonight

Spread your wings and fly away

Little country girl

 

V2

 Headed for those city lights

She smiled at the things

That are there for a

Girl that lived within her heart

With her heart in her hand

She followed all those dreams she had

And then she fell in love

 

Chorus

 Spread your wings

And fly away tonight

Spread your wings and fly away

Little country girl

 

--------BRIDGE-------

She climbed a mountain so she could touch the sky

Something she had to do, so deep inside

And looking out across the countryside

She realized the things she had left behind.

Chorus X2 

Spread your wings

And fly away tonight

Spread your wings and fly away

Little country girl

 


Quote
Gavin
(@gavin)
Noble Member
Joined: 7 years ago
Posts: 1007
 

Nice sentiment (how could it not be with a subject like that?) To me it seems a little bland because of the cliches like climbing a mountain and touching the sky, city lights, followed her dreams. They're all also a bit vague. This could be anyone. There's nothing that tells us why your mom was special. I can't really help because I didn't know her, but I have a feeling you would be better to add detail and color - where did she move to, what did she feel on leaving. You hint at something bad in the past and in the future -

She ran for her life

Never knowing what was to come

- but we know nothing about what these were. Help us to know her and feel with her.

I may or may not be an enigma
http://mysteriousbeings.com


ReplyQuote
Vet393
(@vet393)
Sparkly Member
Joined: 5 years ago
Posts: 59
Topic starter  

How about:

She’s still the little girl inside

That ran down the sandy road

That led to her grandpa’s farm

Dreaming of the city lights

She ran to where the blacktop begins,

to find a new life

 

Spread your wings and fly away tonight

Spread your wings and fly away

 

She says she'll go to Dallas

A good job is waiting  for her there

her mom says" Its too far."

 Shreveport's a better town

and the Hayrides there

 

This post was modified 5 years ago 6 times by Vet393

ReplyQuote
Share: