As If I were the su...
 
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As If I were the sun


ckiphen
(@ckiphen)
Noble Member
Joined: 6 years ago
Posts: 1478
Topic starter  

As if I were the sun

 

Verse

I was a young man

Held a tiger by the tail;

Thought I’d change the world

Never thought I would fail.

I was a young man

With a foolish sense of pride,

thought I had it made,

wasn’t ready for life.

Chorus

I thought life revolved around me

As if I were the sun.

When it came to taking credit

I thought of number one.

I thought life revolved around me

As if I were the sun.

As if I were the sun.

As if I were the sun.

Verse

I was a young man

Saw a rainbow up ahead

Sought a pot of gold

found misery instead.

I was a young man

With a taste for finer things

Learned life the hard way

What being selfish brings.

Chorus

I thought life revolved around me

As if I were the sun.

When it came to taking credit

I thought of number one.

As if I were the sun.

As if I were the sun

As if I were the sun.

Bridge

Learned friendship was the gold I sought

Found giving brought me love

Found happiness comes far before

Thinking of number one.

Tag

As if I were the sun.

As if I were the sun.

As if I were the sun.

 

carroll kiphen


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melissaaurora
(@melissaaurora)
Active Member
Joined: 6 years ago
Posts: 7
 

Very enjoyable. Sound like something I'd write myself, and the theme is inspiring.

I suggest making the structure a little less regular. That would add interest. Apart from that, I think it's well written 🙂


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ckiphen
(@ckiphen)
Noble Member
Joined: 6 years ago
Posts: 1478
Topic starter  

Thank you. Welcome on board.

carroll kiphen


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ckiphen
(@ckiphen)
Noble Member
Joined: 6 years ago
Posts: 1478
Topic starter  

Thanks i appreciate it. Check out The turning of the leaves under collaboration.

carroll kiphen


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Deacon
(@deacon)
Honorable Member
Joined: 6 years ago
Posts: 284
 

Hello Carroll, I like this lyric, though the first line in each verse might sing better as "When I was young", rather than "I was a young man".  It may help to move from what you were to what you are, merely a suggestion.  Good luck and best wishes,

Speak soon

 

Music is an international language, say it with a song. deaconmusic4u@gmail.com


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