It's not the melody, it's the rhythm... Try this Robert...

Two thousand miles from Brooklynn
Day dreaming of L.A.
Just outside of St. Louis
Stuck in the pouring rain

I’m in between, in between
Where I’m going where I’ve been
I’m nobody, somebody
Just a fool chasing the wind

One sunset from disaster
Dreading another sunrise
In the eye of a hurricane
Praying for blue skies

I sing my song for a coffee
So far from center stage
Dreaming of nights in Reno
When I blew the crowd away

That flows better! Thanx

WOW!!!!!!!!! I love it.

Hey Tony,
great suggestions. I'll give it another try. This reminds me of the good old SW101 days. Can't sing at the moment because my voice is a bit hoarse.

Gavin,
I'm very uncertain about this one. I think this is my first ever Walz that I'm writing, or trying to write. I have to get a better feel for the rhythm. I've got some ideas in my head but I just can't get them to sound in sync with everything. The piano instrumental sounds great but when I start adding the rest that's when things get bumpy.

No rush, take your time.

I gave it another try and used modified lyrics and added a couple of instruments. Does this sound any better?
https://soundclick.com/share.cfm?id=14167714

All the best
Robert

CHASING THE WIND

Verse

Two thousand miles from Brooklynn

Daydreaming of L.A.

Just outside of St. Louis

Stuck in the pouring rain

Chorus

I’m in between, in between

Where I’m going, where I’ve been

I’m nobody, somebody

I’m a fool chasing the wind

Verse

One sunset from disaster

Waiting for the sun to rise

In the eye of a hurricane

Praying for sunny skies

Chorus

Bridge:

Now I sing for a cup of coffee

A long way from center stage

Dreaming of those nights in Reno

When I blew the crowd away

Chorus

Yes much better. My only nit is the flat sound of the drums but just my opinion.

Never mind. The fault was my speakers!

There it is! Nailed it! 🙂

I like it a lot better. For me, melodically, it takes off with the line "I'm a foo-oo-ool chasing the wind." The three lines preceding it feel like a pre-chorus, just building up to that line, which sounds like the start of a chorus, but has nowhere to go. You could repeat it, as you do at the end or develop it further.

Enjoyed Da Listen.(;ME LIKES;)

Hey Gavin,
thanks for the feedback. I gave the chorus another look. Here's an alternative chorus demo. Line two flows melodically a bit like the last line (chasing the wind) and it's much easier to sing. I think I like this better than the previous version.

https://soundclick.com/share.cfm?id=14167714

All the best
Robert

That sounds more like a chorus, I think, although I'd have to hear it as part of the whole song. I still feel that the line "I'm a fool, chasing the wind" feels like a launching pad for more. How about expanding the chorus, something like this...

I'm a fool, chasing the wind

Just a fool. chasing the wind

I'm a song that is finished before I begin

I'm a fool (chasing the wind)

Hi Guys, 

long time no see. Well, looks like you guys are working on something promising. Like back in the old days of sw101. Oh, I miss these days 🙂 

• No kidding. This site had gone silent for quite awhile.Great to get feedback and suggestions in a positive atmosphere. Long time Martin.