Notifications
Clear all
Topic starter
19/07/2019 2:47 pm
Carroll has graciously allowed me to put the music to his lyric. Question...is this working as a song...my performance should always be better
Pennies On His Eyes. ( C. Kiphen & N. Cotton)
https://www.soundclick.com/html5/v4/player.cfm?songID=13902128
He lives by the gun
Might die by the gun.
It’s kill or be killed.
His life’s on the run.
His face on a poster
A price on his head.
Two cents is the cost
Of his peace of mind.
The Undertaker places
Pennies on his eyes.
Ghosts of dead men
Haunt him at night.
Some had it coming.
They started the fight.
Hand by his holster
He's quick to trade lead.
Two cents is the cost
Of his peace of mind.
The Undertaker places
Pennies on his eyes.
There is no mercy
For sinful men
Life of a killer
Is a dead end.
Like his dad told him
You make your own bed.
Two cents is the cost
Of his peace of mind.
Undertaker places
Pennies on his eyes.
With both boots on
In a box of pine.
The Undertaker places
Pennies on his eyes.
This topic was modified 6 years ago by NEIL COTTON
19/07/2019 4:14 pm
Hey, Neil. Yes, I think it works. It has a good vibe to it.
The six line verses sound a bit strange. My ear was expecting another two lines with line 8 rhyming with line 6. I think Carroll had labeled those two lines at the end of the verse a pre-chorus.
I may or may not be an enigma
http://mysteriousbeings.com
Topic starter
19/07/2019 8:53 pm
Gavin,
Thanks for the verification that it is working.
I understand re the prechorus but sometimes a non-rhyme is effective as a "shout out", an attention grabber going into the chorus, hence a pre-chorus.
I hope listening as an audience that is the case
This post was modified 6 years ago by NEIL COTTON
20/07/2019 5:31 am
Hello Neil. Gavin.
I like the verse melody, Neil. It's very appropriate for the lyric. Like Gavin, I too expected another two lines in the verses. You're right, the strange structure was an attention grabber, but for me it was a distraction. I also felt that a short musical interlude would have added to the ambiance of the song. It's got a neat "western saloon" vibe going for it. There's a lot of room there to play on that vibe. It's intriguing and entertaining both.
Jen
https://soundcloud.com/jennystokes-nz
http://evansandstokes.com
https://www.facebook.com/evansandstokes/
Topic starter
20/07/2019 7:59 am
Jen,
maybe the 2 lines would work better as a couplet....???? or continue as ab rhyme
I'm pleased the ambiance is appropriate
Forum Statistics
18
Forums
2,766
Topics
8,923
Posts
0
Online
33.7 K
Members
Latest Post: THE TIME YOU LOSE Our newest member: stephan78452191 Recent Posts Unread Posts
