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Topic starter
07/04/2020 10:53 pm
Its been a while! Looking for feedback on a new song! Its called Fair Weather Friend, about finding out someone isn't too keen on sticking by your side on the bad days. I'll leave the YouTube link for ya, if you want to hear the tune. Here are the lyrics:
Sunny days
Only deepened shadows on the ground,
I always feel
A heat wave of embarrassment whenever you’re around,
Spilling over river
Flooding me in doubt,
I am not a storm drain,
I can’t let it out;
Don’t know the weather,
But I thought you would stay whether or not
You knew me better,
Now I don’t want a hand
From a fair-weather friend,
I don’t need a hand from a fair weather friend,
I took your word
That cloudy days would always pass me by,
And now I hear
Your songs when I’m looking at the sky,
I wonder why
We’re playing ghosts in the graveyard,
Phone tag all around,
Hide and seek is over,
But you’re nowhere to be found,
You knew the weather,
But I thought you would stay whether or not
You knew me better,
Now I don’t want a hand
From a fair-weather friend,
I don’t want the hand of a fair weather friend,
But just in case I change my mind,
I’m keeping the storm door shut,
I’m a natural disaster,
And I can’t keep myself up off the ground
When you’re around,
I think of us
Just a little bit and always do,
And when the rain
Taps upon my windowsills, I’ll always think of you,
And how you knew
The weather.
This topic was modified 5 years ago by littlephoebebird
YrralMallik and Guy E. Trepanier liked
08/04/2020 5:51 am
Great recording Phoebe, nice harmony, great range, not afraid to go for the high notes, Brilliant!
You could easily condense your lyrics a bit though 🙂
https://www.soundclick.com/artist/default.cfm?bandid=1449856
Topic starter
08/04/2020 10:27 pm
You're totally right haha! Its my curse! I've already cut several verses from this one... you should see the first version ?
11/04/2020 7:04 pm
There's a sweetness about your voice and style, Phoebe, and it feels fresh and contemporary. You make it feel simpler and easier than it is. This is very nicely done. Love the way you know just how often to bring in the the harmonies.
I may or may not be an enigma
http://mysteriousbeings.com
26/04/2020 4:24 pm
I love this. ? You have a beautiful high voice. Excellent lyrics and the music is heavenly. And those harmonies are just exactly right in the right place.
26/04/2020 10:28 pm
I like your 'metaphoric' style. I seem to recall you did something like that in another Song, using something to say something else.
I recommend deleting some 'But' and 'And openers for Lines, to see how it sings without them. The deletions leave more room to breathe. I think Lines often sing the same without these connector words.
I recommend examining enunciation of each word, each syllable, to be sure listeners 'get' them when they hear them. They won't have a Lyric sheet to follow along in most cases, so being sure you 'send' the words so they are easily 'received' is very important.
The 'wea' syllable of 'weather' isn't coming through very clearly. Each word and syllable has to be given its space to be understood by the listener.
Despite 1,000's of years of Songwriting humans have not exhausted the possibilities. There will always be another Song to be written. Someone will write it. Why not you? www.garyeandrews.com
Topic starter
27/04/2020 5:00 pm
Thank you for the guidelines! Very helpful, I appreciate it 🙂
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