@gary-e-andrews Your explanation is along the lines of how I was trying to make sense of it LOL. But...the second line threw me. It says "we haven't been to bed," and yet you're now saying that she went home and went to bed. I tried to rationalize that contradiction by thinking maybe she went home and didn't go to bed. But when somebody says they can't sleep, we kind of assume they've gone to bed to try. Also, verse 2 tells us the singer has "crawled into bed." It should be easy enough to sort that out.
The contradiction between...
I just can't quit loving you.
I love you all the time.
...and...
Well I do and I don't!
It's too early for me to tell.
...is a bit more problematic imo.
Also, the line "I hope I haven't kept you up!" doesn't fit very well. Of course, he hasn't kept her up - she called him and got him out of bed - a bed which he had crawled into but not been to 🙂
Despite my nit-picking, I actually like the feel of this quite a lot. Otherwise, I wouldn't bother picking those nits.
The first verse had me expecting something along the lines of Fats Waller's "Two Sleepy People." Maybe that set me up to be confused.
Here we are
Out of cigarettes
Holding hands and yawning
Look how late it gets
Two sleepy people by dawn's early light
And too much in love to say goodnight
I may or may not be an enigma
http://mysteriousbeings.com
It's six a.m. in Nashville
We haven't been to bed
Last call came and went
Sunrise is burning red
I love how you keep me up
Wide awake and feeling fine
I just can't quit loving you
I love you all the time
We made love on the couch
Got kinky in the kitchen
Dropped down to the floor
Wound up in this position
Alarm clock won't shut up
You beg me to reload
Keep going for ten minutes
Then I'm back on the road... 🙂
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Grinding and smiling
Diesel burning all week
Driving for love
Ain't got no time for sleep...
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Yes Gavin; you're overthinking. Over on www.thesongwritersforum.com I think you've still got it in your head that it's a duet. It ain't. He's the one who goes home after being there until 2:30, crawls into bed, and the phone rings, and it's her, 'inviting' him to come back. And that's why 'I do and I don't' comes in. The Singer-Character is glad to have the affirmation of mutual affection, but he's frustrated that she let him get all the way home and crawling into bed, at six a.m., before calling to imply she still wants to talk or for him to come back.
And Caroll, I sang through it, just ad libbing a Melody since I only wrote it as a Lyrical Rhyme, and got through well under 3 minutes. No Introductory Movement, which might add 10 to 14 seconds, no Instrumental Bridge, another 20 to 30 seconds. Still probably around 3 minutes.
The main flaw may be the Singer-Character telling the Love-Interest Character what she already knows, that she called him up as soon as he got home and crawled into bed.
This might be 'cured' by changing 'You called me up...' to 'She called me up...', the Singer-Character narrating to the audience instead of talking 'to' the Love-Interest Character. In fact, I think I'll change that rat now!
Despite 1,000's of years of Songwriting humans have not exhausted the possibilities. There will always be another Song to be written. Someone will write it. Why not you? www.garyeandrews.com
@gary-e-andrews I haven't commented anywhere else but here. Must be someone else who still thinks it's a duet 🙂
Actually, it would make a good duet LOL.
I may or may not be an enigma
http://mysteriousbeings.com
"Of Love" Copyright August 11, 2022 by Gary E. Andrews
Verse I
You come in with the wind! You close the door behind you!
You're trying to find a place, where the world won't find you!
You want to forget! I want to remind you, Of Love!
Verse II
The snow begins to fall! It keeps falling all winter!
You've been looking for the exit, every since you entered!
You try to step aside! I make you the center, Of Love!
Bridge
You've come unwound. You're trying to rewind it!
Your Mother taught you, 'Love is where you find it!'
It used to bother you! Now you don't mind it, at all!
Instrumental Bridge
Verse III
You come out in the sun, unafraid of burning!
Suddenly it's fun, to feel the world is turning!
You don't know it all! You like what you're learning, Of Love!
You've come unwound. You're trying to rewind it!
Your Mother taught you, 'Love is where you find it!'
It used to bother you! Now you don't mind it, at all!
You've come unwound. You're trying to rewind it!
Your Mother taught you, 'Love is where you find it!'
It used to bother you! Now you don't mind it, at all!
Despite 1,000's of years of Songwriting humans have not exhausted the possibilities. There will always be another Song to be written. Someone will write it. Why not you? www.garyeandrews.com
"Bad Juju Man" copyright August 24, 2022 by Gary E. Andrews
(Verse I)
There's a storm on the horizon!
bad Juju moving in!
You and I are goin',
somewhere we've never been!
I don't wanna go there!
I'll run if I can.
(Chorus Refrain)
They say you can't get away,
from the Bad Juju Man!
(Verse II)
There's a fire down in the furnace,
bad Juju on the wind!
You and I are fightin'!
One of us has to win!
I don't know the answer!
Ask me once again!
They say you can't get away,
from the Bad Juju Man!
(Bridge)
He comes up close behind you!
He whispers of your sins!
He taps you on the shoulder!
Then he's gone again!
(Verse III)
There's lightning! I hear the thunder!
bad Juju 'bout to strike!
The spell we are under,
'bout to break the dike!
A rush of muddy water,
sweeps across the land!
They say you can't get away,
from the Bad Juju Man!
(Coda)
They say you can't get away,
from the Bad Juju Man!
Despite 1,000's of years of Songwriting humans have not exhausted the possibilities. There will always be another Song to be written. Someone will write it. Why not you? www.garyeandrews.com
(Chorus)
Despite 1,000's of years of Songwriting humans have not exhausted the possibilities. There will always be another Song to be written. Someone will write it. Why not you? www.garyeandrews.com
i feel like it needs a bridge. an explanation or a hint at one for why she has had enough.
maybe something along lines of empty promises and unfulfilled dreams
carroll kiphen
I think that's the gist of the Singer-Character's experience; The Love Interest Character suddenly tells him 'Never', implying the relationship is ending, without much explanation.
He asks, "Baby, why?"
She replies, "Well, whatever."
In real life, sometimes it works that way. One partner is left with unanswered questions, and no chance to ask them any more.
The 'oddity' of Structure appeals to me as I perform it. Verse, Chorus, Verse, Verse, Chorus, Coda.
It works, because of the 'Once I...' openers for the Verses. I was starting a bar on the one with those words, playing through that bar, and finishing the Line, '...had a woman' starting on the last beat of the second bar, and hitting the first beat of a third bar on the one on 'woman'.
Now I like to do it that way only on Verse I, Line 1, and then the rest of the time finishing the Line on beat 4 of the first bar in all the other 'Once I...' Lines.
The oddity of Verse, Chorus, Verse, Verse, Chorus, Coda seems as natural to me as a Verse, Chorus, Verse, Chorus, Verse, Chorus or even V-C, V-C, Bridge, Chorus Structure. It works.
It's a slow Blues. The Singer-Character is fully featured, telling his story from his point-of-view, confusion, facts, mysteries. It just works, for me anyway. The Singer-Character is confused. He's not clear on what's happening. But he's telling his tale with what he knows.
Structure is vitally important to keep listeners Hooked, so oddities are risky. But this one seems to work.
Despite 1,000's of years of Songwriting humans have not exhausted the possibilities. There will always be another Song to be written. Someone will write it. Why not you? www.garyeandrews.com
https://www.sweetwater.com/store/detail/H4nProBlk--zoom-h4n-pro-handy-recorder-black
Come on Gary, start recording!
https://www.soundclick.com/artist/default.cfm?bandid=1449856
Looks easy enough. Now if I just wanted something. No ambition. No goals. No desire.
If I had the device I might get motivated. Cheap enough to give myself a gift.
Despite 1,000's of years of Songwriting humans have not exhausted the possibilities. There will always be another Song to be written. Someone will write it. Why not you? www.garyeandrews.com
You'll also need this;
And this;
Once you get the hang of the 3 different modes it's actually really easy to use. It also doubles as an audio interface with built in effects! However, just setting it on your kitchen table for open air recording works great as well. If you have a pickup in your acoustic you can easily mix it with the mics. So, you'll also need a good set of headphones.
If you get one, I promise I can walk you through it 🙂
Oh, it also records in many different WAV and Mp3 formats straight to an SD card, so you'll need one of those too... The only thing it comes with is 2 AA batteries lol... But I promise you'll love it!
https://www.soundclick.com/artist/default.cfm?bandid=1449856
Watch this lol...
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