*c’est la vie... 

https://soundcloud.com/user-804172376-210408674/ch-woop-demo-w-captain-gq/s-lhUXt

Sorry, that’s the updated link

I don't know much about this genre, but I think it could work. A lot of the clever wordplay might get lost, but it has the requisite hook, and I like the cheewoop thing. I think in this genre, it's all about the effects, so it would depend a lot on the production. Certainly a bit of a departure for you!

Hey Rhys. Really neat that your collaborating. It's an awesome way to extend yourself. Love the chorus. Totally see where you're going with that. The first verse works imo (I've made a couple suggestions) but that wouldn't take long to tighten up.

I don’t think you’re sayin’
What I think you think you’re sayin’
Sad mistaken escalatin’
Misplaced rage towards creation
I don’t think you’re playin’
The role you think you’re playin’
Poor portrayal(all) indications  [not sure what this means. Can you clarify it in the lyric?]
Got lost someplace on location
Motivation on vacation
More all you need’s inspiration  ["When all you need is inspiration" scans better. Sings better]
Fake it till ya make a joke
That needs no explanation 

My feeling is that the second verse is too cluttered for this genre. You need to allow room for effects because an EDM song rests on its effects. When it comes to the lyrics, less is more. Also, to make it dance-worthy, the words need to not get in the way. Could you follow the structure of the first verse or, better yet, do a parred down (less wordy) version using the structure of the first verse as a guide, but parred down? Doing it that way would open the second verse up to some serious effects play. (I'm not sure I explained that very well. Blame it on jetlag)   J

Hey Jenny, thanks for the feedback! I think what you’re saying makes sense, I’ll rewrite the second verse more in line with the first and clear up the awkward bits in the first bit. Where’d ya fly to/from btw? Hopefully somewhere fun! 😛

Just got back from Hawaii so yes, definitely fun. Had a reunion with my family there. I hadn't seen my eldest sister in years so it was pretty special. Coolest thing was seeing sea turtles in the water around us. Scariest was having a puffer fish (shit they're big) swim past me at close quarters.

For some time I've advocated that rap and instrumental compositions still follow Structure, with Introductory Movement, Verses, a Chorus, a Bridge if it needs one, and Coda. The "Play Child" seems to serve the function of a Chorus, although how it fits what the preceding Verse has said is not clear to me. Words have to Rhyme, and these do. But delivery also has to be received and comprehended. Too much obscurity may lose listeners, although in this genre sometimes paying close attention for a storyline may not be as important as just the movement and the body-bop it enables the listener to enjoy. I'm always looking for coherence in a Lyric, a theme or comprehensible story, with a Chorus and THE Hook summing up, making the main point, so rap is not often suited to my tastes. But, keep exploring. There is almost no bad experience in composing a Lyric and finding the Prosody to fit it to the Arrangement, the accompanying music. A change of dynamics in a Bridge or the Coda Melody could renew interest in their places.