Oh the banjo's kinda loud and the fiddle's mighty sweet ,
but they ain't that kinda sound that knocks her off her feet,
when it goes boompa boomp it (excites)spurs her heart,
She can't help but seein stars, ohh
She's gotta crush on the bass guitar
**bass licks**
that sends her reelin to her wantin mood,
when it goes boompa boomp it (excites)spurs her heart,
She can't help but seein stars, ohh
She's gotta crush on the bass guitar
By the end of the night she's overwhelmed
by the oompah,oompah, oomph which has casts it's spell,
or...
By the end of the night she's so in awe,
coz the oompah, oompah oomph made her fall,
Well, I just finished listening to a lot of John Mayer, so I'm still hearing a kind of pop rhythm. These lyrics seem to fit that rhythm.
In the chorus, I think I like "Seeing stars" over "go that far".
I'm confused by the second chorus. Is it supposed to have extra lyrics starting at, "by the end of the night", that replace the bass licks in the first chorus? Or did you just forget to double space to separate another verse? Looks like those extra lyrics follow the same rhythm pattern as the first verse.
AHH! Now I see. You did forget to leave a double space after the second chorus. SO.... How about:
"By the that oompah, oompah, oompah which has cast it's spell"
I also would replace that whole 3rd line there ("She's goin down...…."). It just sounds manufactured to make "well" rhyme. Kind of distracts from the rest of the straight forward, conversational lyrics.
Then, I would keep both options for a verse. But change the first option from:
"By the end of the night she's overwhelmed"
to something that doesn't start "By the end of the night" Like,
"Standing there she gets so overwhelmed"
Good start!! Keep working on it!
phil
Oh the banjo's kinda loud and the fiddle's mighty sweet ,
but they ain't that kinda sound that knocks her off her feet,
when it goes boompa boomp it spurs her heart,
She's gotta crush on the bass guitar
**bass licks**
that sends her reelin to her wantin mood,
right in front of the bass, ohh
when it goes boompa boomp it spurs her heart,
She can't help but seein stars, ohh
She's gotta crush on the bass guitar
By the end of the night she's overwhelmed
by the oompah,oompah, oomph which has casts it's spell,
or...
By the end of the night she's so in awe,
coz the oompah, oompah oomph made her fall,
Hi Great Title Could see this working with some great
musicians Good work I think its a song that could
evolve in a studio with the right musicians and a catchy lead
vocal
yes I think it has great potential both audio and could imagine seeing a video done of it too, hope there is someone out there that reads this and feels the spirit within them to bring it to life
I really like this. Two minor suggestions for what they are worth. I'd replace the word lively with something stronger - "wicked" maybe?
"By the end of the night she's so in awe,
of the oompah, oomp that made her fall"
Actually, the original might actually better, because it would be fun to sing "oompah, oompah oomph."
I can see the video in my head. Great lyric.
I may or may not be an enigma
http://mysteriousbeings.com
"Oompah" makes me think of the Tuba.
oompah os the bass sound made by a tuba too when ya don't have a bass guitar so you are correct and oompah stays
lively refers to the type genre this was written for "bluegrass" to change it to wicked would be incorrect
Oompah does make one think of the tuba, probably because some people refer to those German polka bands as oompah bands. Not that it's a problem because it's all in the way it's sung. Having said that, I do like "Boompa" better. It's more fun to sing.
I may or may not be an enigma
http://mysteriousbeings.com
You might find the singer prefers to sing " boompa boomph" in V1 instead of " boompa boompa boomph" just to avoid the plosive problem of all those Bs and Ps. It'd give space for him to sustain the "a" on "boompa" to separate those consonants. Conversely, the "oompah, oompah oomph" would not present a similar recording challenge. Obviously you'll go with what you like as I'm sure you have a workable melody all sorted out for it. I just thought I'd highlight a potential recording snag for ya.
Cute lyrics. Clever idea.
Jen
https://soundcloud.com/jennystokes-nz
http://evansandstokes.com
https://www.facebook.com/evansandstokes/
thanks any conflicts can and will be worked out as soon as I have someone who is taking on the song. I have had over 100 recordings in 4 genres of my songwriting, and 2 brand new songs this year so this one will find a home
I’d love to hear the recordings, Allfor, if you feel like sharing links in the “Blow Your Own Trumpet” section of the forum.
I may or may not be an enigma
http://mysteriousbeings.com
posted one of the places plus they are selling on amazon , discokids spotify etc
i tried to join discokids once , but they wouldn't let me sign up . according to the fine print , you need to be under 16 , and you've also gotta own a village people costume , so I don't qualify
sorry but there are no auditions here for a clown act, try Barnum Bailey Ringling Bros or The View
I think, Allfor, maybe means DistroKid, which is a distributor that gets your music on the streaming services for you. Village People costumes are not required, although they should obviously be encouraged under all circumstances.
I may or may not be an enigma
http://mysteriousbeings.com