That’s actually not bad. I can hear old Hank in that! 🙂

Neat writing allfor. I found the line "draws me more on in" a little awkward off the tongue. The rest of the song is so wonderfully conversational, that I thought I should mention it.

Jen

Jen that line flows as smooth as butter and it helps hook the listener 

yes I did have a young man that was gonna record this one but lost contact with him

I like this too. It flows really nicely, and I'm always a fan of clever internal rhymes. A few remarks for what they're worth.

I don't see a problem with the line Jenny thought might be hard to sing. However, this one might be, depending on whether the melody allows a pause between "you" and "it's." If they run together, it might be a little tricky getting your tongue around it. That might just be me.

"coz darlin when I'm with you it's like a gift there inside Heaven's door"

To be honest, the image of a gift inside a door doesn't really say anything to me. How about ""coz darlin when I'm with you I feel like I just stepped through Heaven's door"?

The other thing I wonder about is the expression "pitchin' woo." Do people still say that? I recall the expression from Merle Haggard's "Okie from Muskogee," but there he was employing a gentle irony, deliberately contrasting ultra old-fashioned mores with new-fangled hippy ways, suggesting that even in the '70s it was a quaint old-fashioned term. Here, to me, it seemed a little self-conscious and would pretty much require a singer to be at least in his seventies to get away with it.

I love the image of the bees turning green with envy. It makes you smile as you read/hear it.

I hope you don't mind me making suggestions. That's all they are, of course.

yes people who listen to the traditional style understand the term, this was written for the old style music etc

There ain't no stars-ss up in the sky ,that can match up to your eyes,(slight pause) when ya got that twinkle of lo--ve
And that perfume on your skin-nn, just draws me more on in,(slight pause)till you're all I'm think-in of,,ohh

(chorus)
If this is the real thing they talk about ,I'm sure wantin me some mo--re
coz darlin when I'm there with you, I feel I stepped thru Heaven's door

Kinda' like this?   https://www.soundclick.com/html5/v4/player.cfm?songID=13880552   ? 

can u make a studio quality demo of this with cd master lyric sheet?

Lol, you're jumping the gun a bit! This still needs a little work... Let Gav n Jenn n maybe some others kick it around a bit. Besides, it's not hard to find a singer better than me. ? 

no problem 

Nice quickie Tony. Good suggestion about "stepping through Heaven's door" Gav. What is "pitching woo?" Never heard that.

It's an old southern tradition of meeting at a fence or property line in your jammies and blowing kisses at each other ? 

you must be really young if ya haven't heard of pitchin woo

pitch-woo