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Losing you


ckiphen
(@ckiphen)
Noble Member
Joined: 7 years ago
Posts: 1478
Topic starter  

Losing you

Verse

Another Monday morning.

Another week of blues.

It seems I’m always working.

I have no time for you.

Chorus

I know that you’re lonely.

Babe I feel it too.

It’s an early warning

That I’m losing you.

Verse

Another weekday evening.

Another night we fight.

It seems we always argue.

We both want to be right.

Chorus

I know that you’re angry.

Babe I’m angry too.

It’s an early warning

That I’m losing you.

Verse

Another weekend morning.

Another day to kill.

It seems I’m always drinking.

You take too many pills.

Chorus

I know that you’re wasted.

Babe I’m wasted too.

It’s an early warning

That I’m losing you.

Verse we should’ve looked for shelter.

We should’ve seen the signs.

But hindsight’s twenty, twenty.

Now you’re no longer mine.

Chorus

Another Monday morning

Another week of blues.

It seems I’m always working.

It keeps my mind off you.

 

carroll kiphen


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NEIL COTTON
(@neil-cotton)
Sparkly Member
Joined: 6 years ago
Posts: 76
 

Only nit is verb tense.... present for most and  past in last verse


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Deacon
(@deacon)
Honorable Member
Joined: 7 years ago
Posts: 284
 

Hello Carroll,

Nice write, has a classic country feel.  If you have already put music to this, I assume the melody for the last verse is the same as with the previous three verses.  Have you considered changing the fourth verse and melody to a bridge, then lead into the last chorus?  This might help with the verb tense, and add a change for the audience to take notice of, and would be perfectly acceptable, leading the audience to feel the bridge as looking back in retrospect by the singer, just a thought.  Any how, I like this lyric, Thank You for sharing, good luck and best wishes,

Speak soon 

This post was modified 6 years ago by Deacon

Music is an international language, say it with a song. deaconmusic4u@gmail.com


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ckiphen
(@ckiphen)
Noble Member
Joined: 7 years ago
Posts: 1478
Topic starter  

Yes i wanted the jast verse as a bridge but couldn't think of a way at the time to make it different and yet make it work. No no music for it.

carroll kiphen


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