Well... First I suppose I should ask if you intended for this to be arrhythmic... since that is a legitimate style and I can't find a time signature in there anywhere. If so, then I would recommend some breaks in your guitar playing now-n-then so the overall effect isn't so busy. Let the vocals take the lead. If you are shooting for something more rhythmic then I would recommend Travis Picking which should be easy for you.

Chord progression and melody are simple but effective for arrhythmic style... and you sing better than I do lol.

Not sure this counts as Gospel, but any mention of God and heaven usually means you're looking in the right direction.

My overall impression is avant-garde/introspective... Sad songs from heaven with love is certainly a novel concept accompanied with an unusual style... 🙂

Thanks for the review JAPOV! I didn't know it was arhythmic. Hmm, I'll think about that. Sometimes I play Travis style, but most of the time I do 8 note 3 finger roll patterns. Recently, I have been trying different rhythms and patterns. I will have to think about why this doesn't have a time signature -- I assumed it was 4/4.

That's true, this is not standard gospel. Because I wonder if heaven might be a complicated place, like here but even more so. 

I like this. Pretty tune and simple from the heart lyrics, which I find quite moving. Do you think it could use a chorus? Something to break it up a bit, give it more variety?

It's a 4/4 rhythm to my ears 🙂

Posted by: @gavin

I like this. Pretty tune and simple from the heart lyrics, which I find quite moving. Do you think it could use a chorus? Something to break it up a bit, give it more variety?

It's a 4/4 rhythm to my ears 🙂

Yeah I checked, it seems 4/4 to me. Not 3/4, so what else is there in folk land? 

Could it use a chorus? Yes maybe it could. This is an A B pattern, which I often use (as in the old fiddle tunes). So instead of a chorus, there are 2 different verse melodies. 

But what I did here, instead of a chorus, is an instrumental that is repeated after each pair of verses. So that was supposed to do the job of a chorus. But maybe it doesn't.

Well, there's a lot of 6/8 where I come from, but I always have difficulty distinguishing that from 3/4 LOL.

I sensed there was an A/B verse structure, but the two melodies are very similar. This kind of song doesn't need a chorus, especially in the folk genre, but I just felt that it would benefit from more variety melodically. It's a good song as it is, but that might just lift it a bit. Maybe a bridge? Lets see what others think.

Posted by: @gavin

Well, there's a lot of 6/8 where I come from, but I always have difficulty distinguishing that from 3/4 LOL.

I sensed there was an A/B verse structure, but the two melodies are very similar. This kind of song doesn't need a chorus, especially in the folk genre, but I just felt that it would benefit from more variety melodically. It's a good song as it is, but that might just lift it a bit. Maybe a bridge? Lets see what others think.

Oh, it would hurt my brain too much to figure out the difference between 6/8 and 3/4. ? Actually, didn't they teach us in math class they're the same?

Um yeah, maybe it needs a bridge, I don't know. 

Hello Polly, Thank you for sharing, I much enjoyed your song, very soothing and definitely is folk.  It is funny you referenced "old fiddle tunes" when you and Gav were discussing the AB pattern, as I listened to your song, I kept thinking a fiddle back up would work wonderfully with it.  I understand you do one track one take recordings, and in order to do any fiddle back up would require a multi track rig, or a DAW, or another musician.  If possible you may try bringing your vocal up a bit, at times the guitar overwhelmed the vocal.  A short bridge might work, JMO a chorus wouldn't.  Good luck and best wishes,

Speak soon

Posted by: @deacon

Hello Polly, Thank you for sharing, I much enjoyed your song, very soothing and definitely is folk.  It is funny you referenced "old fiddle tunes" when you and Gav were discussing the AB pattern, as I listened to your song, I kept thinking a fiddle back up would work wonderfully with it.  I understand you do one track one take recordings, and in order to do any fiddle back up would require a multi track rig, or a DAW, or another musician.  If possible you may try bringing your vocal up a bit, at times the guitar overwhelmed the vocal.  A short bridge might work, JMO a chorus wouldn't.  Good luck and best wishes,

Speak soon

Thanks @deacon. Yeah I love playing with fiddlers. I know some and sometimes they play with me. I also play banjo, and I like playing banjo with fiddlers. That's how I learned a lot of fiddle tunes, and starting using the AB pattern (and sometimes ABC or ABCD) in my folk songs. But I also use choruses a lot of times, just not in this one.

I might do some multi-track recordings some day, because I would like to have a banjo track. 

Thanks for your suggestions. I will try to make the guitar softer and the vocals louder.

Hello Polly. Welcome to the Junction.

My favourite verse in this song is...

There's a la-and they say
on God's golden shore,
by the bright crystal ocean,
where we won't weep no more.

It brings to mind David Child's "Weep No More"

 not because it sounds anything like that song but because of the imagery it brings to my mind. Quite beautiful.

In terms of lyrics, my only question is why ask for sad stories from Heaven? I'm not questioning the idea of sad stories, just that it's not clear to me what their place is in the narrative of the song.

Blessings,
Jen

Posted by: @jenny-stokes

Hello Polly. Welcome to the Junction.

My favourite verse in this song is...

There's a la-and they say
on God's golden shore,
by the bright crystal ocean,
where we won't weep no more.

It brings to mind David Child's "Weep No More"

 not because it sounds anything like that song but because of the imagery it brings to my mind. Quite beautiful.

In terms of lyrics, my only question is why ask for sad stories from Heaven? I'm not questioning the idea of sad stories, just that it's not clear to me what their place is in the narrative of the song.

Blessings,
Jen

 

Thank you Jen! Well, this is one of my songs where I was not exactly sure where all the lyrics came from, so I probably can't explain it all logically. But it is, in general, about how things are not as simple as we usually think they are. Sadness can be a beautiful feeling, even though it hurts. Our idea of heaven as a place with no problems could be wrong. 

Mostly, I think it's about the idea that so many people have that we could get rid of all the sorrow and suffering in this life. I think the suffering is always for a reason, even though we usually can't see it or accept it. Maybe much later we see the reason.

So this is a gospel song where, instead of longing for a place where nothing ever goes wrong, it is longing for whatever God wants to give us, either in life or after.