Crash Your Life (fi...
 
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Crash Your Life (first mix)


JSM
 JSM
(@jsm)
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Hi there 🙂

I wrote a new song. This is my first mix of it, so nothing is fix, yet. I'd be happy about some feedback on what still needs to be done. Some feedback on the song itself wouldn't hurt, too.

 

Crash Your Life (Music, Lyrics, all instruments & vocals by Janneck Schmacke)

I was your therapy, your remedy
your phantasie, Infinity
And now it’s getting way too much
Your memory, your clarity
Your sanity and dignity
But I had never felt your touch

There were highs when we both thought it was love
But from the lows I learned to be concerned
And you should better know now

I’ve always given you all
Given up all my pride
So crash your life
I’ve always given it all
But never satisfied
So crash your life
And let me live mine

You almost took it all from me
But I kept my identity
It’s covered by a steely dress
If I’m your personality
Then you can stick it instantly
Up your…


ckiphen liked
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JAPOV
(@japov)
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Posts: 1147
 

Very nice recording! Very unique voice! Great energy! What's not to love? 🙂

 

https://www.soundclick.com/artist/default.cfm?bandid=1449856


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Gavin
(@gavin)
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I like this a lot. Especially the way you change it up during the song, going in interesting different directions. The instrumental parts were my favorites.

I think this part of the lyric is a little bit problematic:

It’s covered by a steely dress. A dress in English is ein Kleid rather than Kleidung, so an item of clothing worn by a woman or girl. It comes across as a bit strange and foreign in this context.

This might work...

You almost took it all from me
But I kept my identity
Dressed in steel, and I suggest/so let me suggest
If I’m your personality
Then you can stick it instantly
Up your…

I may or may not be an enigma
http://mysteriousbeings.com


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JSM
 JSM
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Joined: 3 years ago
Posts: 15
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Posted by: @gavin

A dress in English is ein Kleid rather than Kleidung, so an item of clothing worn by a woman or girl.

First of all, thank you guys for giving me your feedback 🙂

I didn't know that, I even searched for it on the internet, whether that is right or not. So you don't say 'dress' to an outfit at all?


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Gavin
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Posts: 990
 

Dress is a strange word. When used with the indefinite article "a" it always means a single item of clothing, namely a garment worn by women (Kleid). Without the article, it can be used to describe a way of dressing or a costume. An example would be "Scottish national dress," which would mean a kilt or Bavarian traditional dress, which would mean Lederhosen of Dirndl. So "He came in traditional Bavarian dress," would mean that he came in Lederhosen, but "He came in a traditional Bavarian dress," would bring to mind a picture of a man in a Dirndl. Confusing a bit daft, I know 🙂

I may or may not be an enigma
http://mysteriousbeings.com


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JAPOV
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LOL... I just figured he was gay 🙂

https://www.soundclick.com/artist/default.cfm?bandid=1449856


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JSM
 JSM
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I worked on the mix a bit and here's the new version:


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JAPOV
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Posts: 1147
 

That one single "Mine" at 1:50 seems a little weak... You should really go for it there. Enunciate, scream, and repeat "LET-ME-LIVE-MINE"! Just sayin' 🙂

This post was modified 1 month ago by JAPOV

https://www.soundclick.com/artist/default.cfm?bandid=1449856


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ckiphen
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Posts: 1441
 

Good song. Like every aspect of it.

carroll kiphen


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