Pennies On His Eyes
 

Pennies On His Eyes  

  RSS

NEIL COTTON
(@neil-cotton)
Sparkly Member
Joined: 2 months ago
Posts: 72
19/07/2019 2:47 pm  
Carroll has graciously allowed me to put the music to his lyric. Question...is this working as a song...my performance should always be better

Pennies On His Eyes. ( C. Kiphen & N. Cotton)

https://www.soundclick.com/html5/v4/player.cfm?songID=13902128

He lives by the gun
Might die by the gun.
It’s kill or be killed.
His life’s on the run.
His face on a poster
A price on his head.

Two cents is the cost
Of his peace of mind.
The Undertaker places
Pennies on his eyes.

Ghosts of dead men
Haunt him at night.
Some had it coming.
They started the fight.
Hand by his holster
He's quick to trade lead.

Two cents is the cost
Of his peace of mind.
The Undertaker places
Pennies on his eyes.

There is no mercy
For sinful men
Life of a killer
Is a dead end.

Like his dad told him
You make your own bed.

Two cents is the cost
Of his peace of mind.
Undertaker places
Pennies on his eyes.

With both boots on
In a box of pine.
The Undertaker places
Pennies on his eyes.

 
This topic was modified 1 month ago by NEIL COTTON

Quote
Gavin
(@gavin)
Honorable Member
Joined: 5 months ago
Posts: 313
19/07/2019 4:14 pm  

Hey, Neil. Yes, I think it works. It has a good vibe to it.

The six line verses sound a bit strange. My ear was expecting another two lines with line 8 rhyming with line 6. I think Carroll had labeled those two lines at the end of the verse a pre-chorus.

I may or may not be an enigma
http://mysteriousbeings.com


ReplyQuote
NEIL COTTON
(@neil-cotton)
Sparkly Member
Joined: 2 months ago
Posts: 72
19/07/2019 8:53 pm  

Gavin,
Thanks for the verification that it is working.
I understand re the prechorus but sometimes a non-rhyme is effective as a "shout out", an attention grabber going into the chorus, hence  a pre-chorus.
I hope listening as an audience that is the case

This post was modified 1 month ago by NEIL COTTON

ReplyQuote
Jenny Stokes
(@jenny-stokes)
Honorable Member
Joined: 5 months ago
Posts: 405
20/07/2019 5:31 am  

Hello Neil. Gavin.

I like the verse melody, Neil. It's very appropriate for the lyric. Like Gavin, I too expected another two lines in the verses. You're right, the strange structure was an attention grabber, but for me it was a distraction. I also felt that a short musical interlude would have added to the ambiance of the song. It's got a neat "western saloon" vibe going for it. There's a lot of room there to play on that vibe. It's intriguing and entertaining both.

Jen

http://evansandstokes.com
https://www.facebook.com/evansandstokes/


ReplyQuote
NEIL COTTON
(@neil-cotton)
Sparkly Member
Joined: 2 months ago
Posts: 72
20/07/2019 7:59 am  

Jen,
maybe the 2 lines would work better as a couplet....???? or continue as ab rhyme
 I'm pleased the ambiance is appropriate


ReplyQuote
Share:
  
Working

Please Login or Register