Northern Summer  

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Gavin
(@gavin)
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11/07/2019 5:20 pm  

This needs work, and I'm not entirely sure that it's worth the effort . What do you think?

I may or may not be an enigma
http://mysteriousbeings.com


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NEIL COTTON
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12/07/2019 8:32 am  

Totally just an opinion...the music doesn't feel right ... hesitant, harsh...hard to explain sorry. Try an light acoustic guitar treatment , no piano....?????


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Gavin
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12/07/2019 8:41 am  

I think you are probably right, Neil. I played around with various musical settings and wasn't really happy with any of them ūüôĀ

I may or may not be an enigma
http://mysteriousbeings.com


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JAPOV
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13/07/2019 2:20 pm  

I think if you delete your current harmonica track and just try playing little "accents" between lines/verses it would make a huge difference ¬†ūüôā¬†


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Jenny Stokes
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13/07/2019 6:57 pm  

Love the waves. Reminds me of home. The way the harmonica comes in at 1:30 is great. I think you could cut back on the harmonica and, as Tony says, use it in the open places of the song (like at 1:30). It's competing with your vocal in other places so look for that. Then, with a parred back arrangement you'll need to add something to the chorus to make it stand out from the rest of the arrangement. You ask is it worth pursuing? Yes, absolutely. It's potentially gorgeous, Gavin. Can you post the lyrics?

Jen

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NEIL COTTON
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13/07/2019 8:06 pm  

yes I would like to see the lyrics...I think you have with the right instrumentation and mix a potentially good song.


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Gavin
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13/07/2019 8:53 pm  

Your wish is my command...

NORTHERN SUMMER
(Words & Music by Gavin Sinclair)

The night when we ran naked into the sea
In the lingering light of a northern summer God made just for you and for me
We lay on a rock and I felt you breathing
As the water ran down in little streams
Over your shivering skin and into my dreams

Do you remember how it was?
Just kids and just because
We were in love, I was in awe
Of how beautiful you were

Now here I stand, with the waves kissing the sand
In the dying light of that long-ago summer, where I reach out and touch your hand
I sit on the rock and I feel you breathing
Where the water ran down in little streams
Over your shivering skin and into my dreams

I remember how it was?
Just kids and just because
We were in love, I was in awe
Of how beautiful you were

I may or may not be an enigma
http://mysteriousbeings.com


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NEIL COTTON
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14/07/2019 10:44 am  

Re the lyrics
We lay on a rock and I felt you breathing... respectfully, this doesn't sound too romantic to me

Then lying next to you I saw you breathing 

As the water streams over your shivering skin

Into my dreams

 Given that the title it is only said once

Now here I stand, with the waves kissing the sand
In recall the night of that NORTHERN summer, where I reach out and touch your hand
Now I  sit where we lay still seeing you breathing 

As the water streams over your shivering skin

Into my dreams

This post was modified 6 days ago by NEIL COTTON

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NEIL COTTON
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14/07/2019 10:57 am  

I also think the title should be in a more prominent place.

In the dying light of that Northern Summer
We ran naked to the sea God meant for you and me

Recalling  that night of that Northern Summer
Those same waves kiss the sand where I reached out touching your hand

This post was modified 6 days ago 3 times by NEIL COTTON

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Gavin
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14/07/2019 11:09 am  

Thanks Neil. The line was originally "We lay on a rock and I watched you breathing" and then, in the second verse " I sat on that rock and I felt you breathing," the idea being that he can no longer see her, of course, but he can feel her presence. Maybe I should go back to that.

I see what you are getting at with your other suggestions too, but don't you think spelling it out with "I recall the night..." and "Now I sit where we lay still seeing you breathing" makes it a little too obvious. I don't go for obscurity, but I think the implied shift from past to present is pretty easy to follow, especially with the words "long-ago," and adds to the enjoyment. I could be wrong about that, of course.

I was going more for sensual than romantic. Is the rock the problem? In my mind, I saw one of those big flat rocks at the edge of the sea that are exposed at low tide. This might not be obvious. I agree that it would not be romantic or sensual if the listener were to imagine a jagged rock. 

I may or may not be an enigma
http://mysteriousbeings.com


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NEIL COTTON
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14/07/2019 2:57 pm  

i edited my last post...repetition of title or creating the hook is basic to a writing a solid song.

 


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Gavin
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14/07/2019 3:27 pm  
Posted by: NEIL COTTON

i edited my last post...repetition of title or creating the hook is basic to a writing a solid song.

 

Totally agree with you in most cases, Neil. Not so much with the title thing - in my opinion, that's a rule made to be broken, not for its own sake, but if it gets in the way of the song - but about the hook. I have a tendency to pick the most evocative line or image from the song as the title, rather than a hook, which probably suggests I don't have a good enough hook.

This song is dreamy, kind of a musical poem, I suppose, and my view is that songs like that don't need such a strong hook. That may just be an excuse I am feeding myself, of course.

Thanks for all your input, Neil. I has given me something to think about. I appreciate it.

I may or may not be an enigma
http://mysteriousbeings.com


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