Broken  

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Deacon
(@deacon)
A Night To ReMember
Joined: 12 months ago
Posts: 172
04/02/2020 12:35 pm  

 

Broken
lyrics and music by Ron Nelson  all rights rerserved

It's me again Lord,
yeh its been awhile.
Seems I only come around,
when there's trouble that's for sure.
You're the only one,
I can turn to.
Only you can mend a wounded heart,
that's so broken.

Now I'm no stranger to hard times,
I've had my share.
Always pick myself back up,
and move along.
But this one really hit me hard,
I can't get over it.
And only you can mend a wounded heart,
that's so broken.

You know me Lord better than myself,
more than anyone.
I keep searching for some way to believe,
It'll be alright.
You know this one really put me down,
got my finger on the trigger.
Only you can mend a wounded heart,
that's so broken.

This song was inspired by actual events.  If you or someone you know is contemplating suicide, Please please , contact your local crisis intervention center, or call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-8255.

 

 

This topic was modified 2 weeks ago 4 times by Deacon

Music is an international language, say it with a song.


RhysFraser
(@rhysfraser)
A Night To ReMember
Joined: 11 months ago
Posts: 162
06/02/2020 9:31 am  

Hey man, dropped in to listen and offer some feedback (mostly because of a dm I accidentally got), and.... uhh... I've got nothing. Beautiful effort with emotional honesty that hits really hard. Brilliant. I'm sorry for your loss dude 🙁 Thanks for taking on one of the hardest subjects out there, I think you did an amazing job

Check out my shameless self-promotion! 😎https://soundcloud.com/rhys-rj-fraser/sets/thebrainandthebulldog


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Deacon
(@deacon)
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Joined: 12 months ago
Posts: 172
06/02/2020 11:36 am  

Hello Rhys, Thanks for taking a listen and Thank you for your comment, it was much appreciated.  Best wishes,

Speak soon

Music is an international language, say it with a song.


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BrendanDelumpa
(@brendandelumpa)
Eminent Member
Joined: 3 months ago
Posts: 24
06/02/2020 6:55 pm  

Lots of emotional intensity. I went through the same thing about 20 years ago when a close friend committed suicide. And given that emotional depth that really comes through in your performance and the personal struggle that you're facing, it's difficult to give a critique without making it sound heartless. So before I provide one, let me say that this is coming from a good place and not meant to knock you down at all.

The only real "problem" I see is in the third verse/bridge. Whereas with the previous two verses that revolve around single subject, in the third, you've got three competing subjects: 1) Lord, you know me; 2) I'm having a hard believing; 3) I'm so broken, I'm considering pulling a trigger on myself.

The second verse speaks to your own personal strength, so I don't believe you'd actually take your life, but that said, perhaps you might consider just focusing on one thing. Personally, I'd focus on the second item and how it's hard to believe in the Lord considering what has happened. Then tie it back into how only the Lord can mend your broken heart.

There's no denying how heartfelt your performance of this song is. I wish you all the best and will say a prayer for you!


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Deacon
(@deacon)
A Night To ReMember
Joined: 12 months ago
Posts: 172
06/02/2020 8:13 pm  

Hello Brendan, Thank you for the listen, and Thank you for your reply.  I originally wrote the last four lines of the second repeat to read;

You know this one really put me down,
take my finger from this trigger.
Only you can mend a wounded heart,
that's so broken.

For what ever reason, I opted to go with the full repeat as is, I don't know if it would have made any difference.  Again, Thank you for the listen and the comments and advice.  Best wishes,

Speak soon

Music is an international language, say it with a song.


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Guy E. Trepanier
(@guy-e-trepanier)
Eminent Member
Joined: 12 months ago
Posts: 43
10/02/2020 6:45 pm  

Well written and well done. Simplicity is always a winner.

Just one little remark: I would shorten it by putting the interlude right after the 2nd verse-refrain and sing the 3rd verse-refrain and finish with the tag.

Very good song.

 

 

K.I.S.S. Keep It Simple and Singable
https://www.soundclick.com/bands3/default.cfm?bandID=588312
https://soundcloud.com/guyetrep
https://soundcloud.com/guyechante


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Deacon
(@deacon)
A Night To ReMember
Joined: 12 months ago
Posts: 172
10/02/2020 8:54 pm  

Hello Guy, Thank you for taking a listen and leaving a comment.  Thank you for the suggestion, I will give it a try.  Best wishes,

Speak soon

Music is an international language, say it with a song.


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