What The Pros Say i...
 

What The Pros Say is True  

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Deacon
(@deacon)
Honorable Member
Joined: 1 year ago
Posts: 269
18/02/2020 9:40 pm  

Way back when, in the mid 80's, a friend of mine, Jerry Chasteen, and I were spit balling ideas for a song.  One of the ideas was a five word line we both thought might be good, "It was like a dream", was the idea.  Off and on we worked at it, but never came up with a viable lyric.  Jerry and I drew apart over the years after I moved to Tennessee, but I have taken a few more stabs at the idea to no avail.  Now pro writers would probably have pushed a song out in no time at all, not me, I'm no pro.  Pro writers will tell you don't give up, keep working at it, go back to it.  This morning I was sitting at my writing desk, (a small desk in the corner of the bedroom next to three guitars, an amp, a cheap keyboard, and a stack of subject note books, you know, the ones that have the spiral wires for bindings, leafing through the pages of over 40+ years of half finished lyrics, ideas, and hooks, when I came across that five word line.  Within about five minutes this is what I penned;

It was like a dream,
when I saw you there.
Standing all alone,
in the crowd.
Oh and how my heart stood still,
when you smiled.
It was like a dream,
come true

It was like a dream,
when your eyes met mine.
From across the room,
I heard you sigh.
Still the band played on and on
all the while.
It was like a dream,
come true.

Now it isn't finished, but after about 30 years, I'm tickled pink it's come this far.  What the pros say is true, don't give up.  Best wishes,

Speak soon

Music is an international language, say it with a song. deaconmusic4u@gmail.com


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Gary E. Andrews
(@gary-e-andrews)
A Night To ReMember
Joined: 1 year ago
Posts: 225
19/02/2020 12:27 pm  

Given time to incubate, you may get into the zone, assume the persona of the Singer-Character, and be able to finish his story. 
By opening with your title Line, THE Hook, and closing Verse I and Verse II, I would designate it as a Refrain-Type Chorus, as contrasted with the usual Stanza-Type Chorus.
You now have Verse I and Verse II. A repeat of the prosody of Verse cadence, Rhyme-Scheme, Melody, would risk 'monotony' in my opinion. A Song must have 'enough' Repetition to supply Structure listeners can relate to, and 'enough' Change to keep them 'hooked'. So now is the time for Change, a Bridge, Instrumental perhaps, depending on the Song, or Lyrical, ideas that are pivotal in the storyline, Melody that is different from the Verse Melody (and from a Stanza-Type Chorus Melody, if it is that kind of Song.) That 'Change' relieves 'monotony' of Repetition, renews listener interest, and enables a Third Verse to Repeat those elements without monotony.
In a Song with a Stanza-Type Chorus, writers often despair of finding the satisfactory denouement', the ending for the story, and resort to a Bridge as that device to sustain interest and enable a final giving of the Chorus Stanza, and whatever Coda (final Musical Movement) to end.|
Positioning your title, THE Hook, as you've done means you'll have to find that Third Verse, and Coda, to end. Timing becomes a factor. If you have to have a Third Verse and a Bridge-Repeat, you may go long. Longer than 3:00 to 3:30 is a possible standard for terrestrial radio, a Royalty revenue-generating outlet for Songs. Long Songs seem to be having trouble getting to the point, telling the story without excessive, random and scarcely relevant words, ideas, again, risking losing the listener's interest.
Find your denouement', find your Coda, and you have a Song.

"It Was Like A Dream"

It Was Like A Dream,
when I saw you there. (Introduction of the Singer-Character, 'I', and the Love-Interest Character 'you'.)
Standing all alone,
in the crowd. (Line 4, Verse II has 4 syllables/notes to sing. 'out in the crowd' would add 1 here.)
Oh and how my heart stood still, (These longer Lines suggest a Melodic 'lift', an element of Pre-Chorus, signaling a strategic turn in Lyric and Melody.)
when you smiled.
It Was Like A Dream,
come true. (And the Musical Movement of the Verse resolves, complete. Verse II, and III if there is one, should match syllable-count, therefore note-count, identically, or almost identically, to Repeat the Musical Movement, supplying Structure. Verse I Rhyme is very loose, only the title Line Repeating to be considered Rhyme. It seems to work.)

(I'm looking at Verse II to see if it Repeats ideas already expressed in Verse I, or advances the storyline with new information.)
It Was Like A Dream,
when your eyes met mine. (VI, ;when I saw you there', VII, she's looking back, eyes meet across a room, a classic lover's concept.)
From across the room,
I heard you sigh. ('mine/sigh', a Near-Rhyme.)
Still the band played on and on (The Pre-Chorus 'lift' Line.)
all the while. (Verse II Line 6, 'while' picks up the 'smiled' Rhyme from Verse I Line 6, distant, but perhaps effective.)
It Was Like A Dream,
come true.

A Verse III at this point, risks 'monotony'. In the 'enough' concept, the Songwriter's judgment call, the Repetition may be 'too much'. 'Enough', 'too much', 'not enough'. An Instrumental-Bridge or Lyrical-Bridge can serve the function of breaking Repetition with 'Change'. Then the ear welcomes back the familiar Melody and cadence of the Verse design, enabling you to finish the storyline, and find your way out, the Coda, to end.
Edit: I forgot to mention that tendency of writers to despair of finding that quality idea for Verse III to finish the story, satisfactorily, is common enough to be known as "The Third Verse Curse".

 

This post was modified 5 months ago by Gary E. Andrews

Despite 1,000's of years of Songwriting humans have not exhausted the possibilities. There will always be another Song to be written. Someone will write it. Why not you? www.garyeandrews.com


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Deacon
(@deacon)
Honorable Member
Joined: 1 year ago
Posts: 269
21/02/2020 12:55 am  

Hello Gary, Thank you for the read and great advice.  I will have to dig deeper to come up with a suitable end.  Again, Thank you and best wishes,

Speak soon

Music is an international language, say it with a song. deaconmusic4u@gmail.com


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