Tiny Stars  

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Bogi
 Bogi
(@bogi)
Active Member
Joined: 2 months ago
Posts: 12
14/10/2019 4:03 am  

Tiny Stars

{Verse1}
It was twilight
Only one sunbeam in the room
I saw something glitter fly
It reached me to move

{Chorus}
Those millions of tiny stars
They shone colorfully
Those millions of tiny stars
Were nothing more than dust
But for a moment
I thought it was some miracle
For a moment
I thought there was something special
Those millions of tiny stars
They shone colorfully
Those millions of tiny stars
Were nothing more than dust

{Verse2}
I tried to touch it
Capture the colors of the rainbow
But like the above
It is untouchable

{Chorus}
Those millions of tiny stars
They shone colorfully
Those millions of tiny stars
Were nothing more than dust
But for a moment
I forgot to breath
For a moment
I saw what I was feel’n
Those millions of tiny stars
They shone colorfully
Those millions of tiny stars
Were nothing more than dust

{Verse3}
As the sun moves
The glitters have faded
I’d have watched forever
But it’s time for me to be awakened

{Chorus}
Those millions of tiny stars
They shone colorfully
Those millions of tiny stars
Were nothing more than dust
But for a moment
They made me believe in dreams
For a moment
I truly believed I could win
Those millions of tiny stars
They shone colorfully
Those millions of tiny stars
Were nothing more than dust

P.S. This little writing of mine was inspired by flying dust, as I was sitting in the living room.

I would like to ask for your opinion about it. If you wish to edit it and highlight changes, I would appreciate it, so I can learn to write in a more proper way. Thank you for your kind help.


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Songwriter Junction
(@songwriter-junction)
Member Admin
Joined: 9 months ago
Posts: 110
14/10/2019 10:08 am  

Bogi, I saw that you mistakenly posted this song on another thread and said sorry :). It has been removed from there, so that people can comment here.


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JAPOV
(@japov)
Right Honorable Member
Joined: 9 months ago
Posts: 542
14/10/2019 10:23 am  

@Bogi, I'm not a technical writer or musician my friend. If it's rhythmic, melodic, and sounds good... IT IS GOOD! It is possible to devote yourself to a particular discipline and write to a particular genre but, speaking for myself, discipline does not equal inspiration lol. I believe your lyric is a perfect example! Can you sing it?  🙂

https://www.soundclick.com/artist/default.cfm?bandid=1449856


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Bogi
 Bogi
(@bogi)
Active Member
Joined: 2 months ago
Posts: 12
14/10/2019 12:25 pm  

@songwriter-junction thank you 🙂


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Bogi
 Bogi
(@bogi)
Active Member
Joined: 2 months ago
Posts: 12
14/10/2019 12:27 pm  

@japov thank you for your reply! And I'm sad about it but I don't have good voice 🙁


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Gavin
(@gavin)
Honorable Member
Joined: 9 months ago
Posts: 465
14/10/2019 12:56 pm  

Bogi, you can really write! I love this. It's delicate and poetic, but real, visual and relatable.

Would I be right in thinking English is not your first language? Not a problem - there are people from all over the world here. I took the liberty of suggesting a few changes below. Some are to improve the English. Others are just ideas that I had for imagery or to improve the flow and thythm. Keep any that you like 🙂

Tiny Stars

{Verse1}
It was twilight
A single sunbeam in the room
I saw something shimmering
I reached out to touch it

{Chorus}
Those millions of tiny stars
Full of color, shining
Those millions of tiny stars
Were nothing more than dust
But for a moment
I thought I saw a miracle
For a moment
A galaxy of wonder
Those millions of tiny stars
Full of color, shining
Those millions of tiny stars
Were nothing more than dust

{Verse2}
I tried to touch it
Catch the colors of the rainbow
But just like a rainbow
It is untouchable

{Chorus}
Those millions of tiny stars
Full of color, shining
Those millions of tiny stars
Were nothing more than dust
But for a moment
I forgot to breathe
For a moment
I saw my own feelings, floating
Those millions of tiny stars
Full of color, shining
Those millions of tiny stars
Were nothing more than dust

{Verse3}
As the sun moves
The starlight fades 
I’d have watched forever
But it’s time for me to awake

{Chorus}
Those millions of tiny stars
Full of color, shining
Those millions of tiny stars
Were nothing more than dust
But for a moment
I could see my dreams 
For a moment
I truly believed I could win
Those millions of tiny stars
Full of color, shining
Those millions of tiny stars
Were nothing more than dust 

I may or may not be an enigma
http://mysteriousbeings.com


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Bogi
 Bogi
(@bogi)
Active Member
Joined: 2 months ago
Posts: 12
14/10/2019 1:20 pm  

Sir, all I can say is thank you so much! Yes, English is not my first language, so thank you for the edit and the advices. I'm really like the edited version, it is much better. Thank you so much again! 🙂


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moraamarolaloba
(@moraamarolaloba)
Sparkly Member
Joined: 9 months ago
Posts: 59
15/10/2019 12:01 pm  

I find your lyrics full of poetry, they draw perfectly a very special moment of magic. May be you could sing it?

The bad part of the doubt is that it has no face


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Bogi
 Bogi
(@bogi)
Active Member
Joined: 2 months ago
Posts: 12
16/10/2019 2:50 am  

Thank you very much! But the truth is, I don't want my parents to throw me out lol. I don't sing, because I CAN'T sing.


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