Robinhood  

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ckiphen
(@ckiphen)
Honorable Member
Joined: 4 months ago
Posts: 272
16/05/2019 9:01 am  

Intro

This isn't about forgiveness.

That I don't deserve.

Let's call this restitution

For debts i have incurred.

Verse

I stole your heart i broke it girl.

I know thats hard to mend.

In some small way I'll repay

By being a good friend.

Chorus

I'll fix parking tickets.

Watch your neighborhood.

I'll do what I can do

To be robinhood.

Verse

I broke your heart I let you down.

That cross is mine to bear.

I'll spend my whole life trying

To show you I still care.

Chorus

Ill fix parking tickets.

Watch your neighborhood.

I'll do what I can do

To be robinhood.

Bridge

A cop is married to his job.

It robs his life of love.

I let my work consume my time

I wasn't home enough.

Verse 1

Chorus

 

carroll kiphen


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Gavin
(@gavin)
Honorable Member
Joined: 4 months ago
Posts: 290
16/05/2019 9:30 am  

It's a good start, Carroll. To me, it feels like it needs more in the way of things that he's going to do for her - parking tickets and watching her neighborhood seems a bit of a short list.

How about inserting the word "your" before Robin Hood? "I'll be your Robin Hood."

I may or may not be an enigma
http://mysteriousbeings.com


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ckiphen
(@ckiphen)
Honorable Member
Joined: 4 months ago
Posts: 272
16/05/2019 7:44 pm  

I wanted to use your but left it out because of syllables. Sure sounds better though. Im open to someone else adding to the list of things he does. Got no problem with a co write.

carroll kiphen


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Jenny Stokes
(@jenny-stokes)
Honorable Member
Joined: 4 months ago
Posts: 401
19/05/2019 3:09 pm  

The "your" makes the chorus seem more balanced. The line also rolls off the tongue more smoothly with it in there. 

J

http://evansandstokes.com
https://www.facebook.com/evansandstokes/


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