I Never Took You Of...
 

I Never Took You Off My Phone  

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Gavin
(@gavin)
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16/05/2019 3:52 pm  

I think he was referring to the way I pronounce my words carefully and maybe seem a bit stilted sometimes. He was referring to "In France," which you might remember. The only thing I objected to was the implication that I'm English  

On the other hand, I should get high marks from Gary for enunciating clearly LOL.

I went back and changed the ending as you suggested and also changed the line "Living in unwedded bliss" to "Living it up in unwedded bliss," which is easier to sing in a less school-teacherly fashion.

I may or may not be an enigma
http://mysteriousbeings.com


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Jenny Stokes
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16/05/2019 4:46 pm  

Whenever you're ready.....   🎵🎵😎🎸🎵🎶   ......my ears await

http://evansandstokes.com
https://www.facebook.com/evansandstokes/


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Gavin
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16/05/2019 4:55 pm  

Here you go, Jen's ears...

I may or may not be an enigma
http://mysteriousbeings.com


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Jenny Stokes
(@jenny-stokes)
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16/05/2019 5:18 pm  

Yup. Much better ending, Gavin. Shorter is better.

I didn't hear the English teacher thing on the first version, but now that I hear this one, that change "living it up" is definitely an improvement. To that end, that bit "well yes, I might have had a drink or two etc" could be de-teachered too by drawing out the "yes" with more emphasis on the "ye" than the "es" then pausing slightly so you can run more naturally over "might've had a drink or two etc" (i.e., force that line fit in a shorter space). 

Lovin' this tune Gav

http://evansandstokes.com
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Gavin
(@gavin)
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17/05/2019 6:49 pm  

Thanks Jen. I'll go back and try that de-teachering thing you suggest in those lines. Though I say it myself, in spite of all the usual issues with the amateur vocals and production, the tune does have a bit of an earworm quality to it. The chorus just kind of came to me all of a sudden and I immediately wanted to sing it to myself all the time.

I may or may not be an enigma
http://mysteriousbeings.com


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Jenny Stokes
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17/05/2019 9:45 pm  

You're right there! It totally has an earworm quality about it.   🙂

http://evansandstokes.com
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JAPOV
(@japov)
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20/05/2019 11:13 pm  

OMG! I finally got around to listening to this! I LOVE THE CHORUS 🙂 Who's that on lead guitar?


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Gavin
(@gavin)
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21/05/2019 12:22 am  

Thanks Tony. The chorus just kind of came to me and had to become a song. That's Dee Sharpe on lead guitar. He lives in my imagination and my computer LOL.

I may or may not be an enigma
http://mysteriousbeings.com


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Gary E. Andrews
(@gary-e-andrews)
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30/05/2019 3:08 pm  

I did this analysis over on Just Plain Folks and thought it worth bringing back here.

The 14 second Introductory Movement is just enough to serve the function.

The Rhyme-Scheme breaks out of routine Four-Line Versification, with three Perfect-Rhyme Lines and then one left Un-Rhymed, the Rhyme picked up in the fourth Line of the second Stanza and Rhymed there. This is a variation on the Nursery Rhyme style that I've advocated for that very purpose, breaking away from the routine Four-Line style. And you manage to repeat that Rhyme-Scheme in other Verses, always a challenge.

I'd like to hear other players do an 'interpretation' of the Song, variations in vocal delivery and overall arrangement. I think it could work with other tempos, a little faster, maybe a little slower, possibilities worth exploring. The light humor, I think, can work with that variable.

At 51 seconds the Change of Dynamics keeps me 'hooked' and listening. That's probably the Stanza labeled Pre-Chorus.

You get to THE Hook, the title at 1:15. 

The guitar work at 2:45 is quite interesting, listenable. You label it 'Instrumental Break'. I call it an 'Instrumental Bridge' because it serves the same function as a Lyrical Bridge, breaking the Repetition at that point that would risk losing listeners if you Repeated a Verse or even the Chorus without the Bridge. After the Bridge you are 'enabled' to Repeat the Chorus and I'm (the audience) ready to hear it again.

The phrase 'on my own', is commonly used in England I think, meaning 'alone'. In the U. S. it has more of an 'independently meaning than the 'alone' concept. 

As always I advocate examining the 'And', 'But' 'Cause' connector words to see if the Line can read the same without them, just to get them out of the Singer's way, unclutter the Line in the Singer's mouth.

Despite 1,000's of years of Songwriting humans have not exhausted the possibilities. There will always be another Song to be written. Someone will write it. Why not you? www.garyeandrews.com


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Gavin
(@gavin)
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31/05/2019 10:12 pm  

Thanks, Gary. I appreciate getting your feedback in stereo . I got a lot of good feedback on this, especially from you, and made some changes as a result. I'm pleased with that not just because it helped improve the song, but because it's nice to see a forum working the way I think it should.

As for the "on my own" phrase. I've been this side of the pond for over 25 years now and still find myself saying things that I don't realize are more British and American. It goes way beyond the lift/elevator, bonnet/hood, boot/trunk kind of thing. However.... if "on my own" is not commonly used in the sense of "alone," somebody should have told Patti Labelle LOL.

I may or may not be an enigma
http://mysteriousbeings.com


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